HELP

Welcome @Burdening

so glad you joined us here

It sounds like you're going through a really rough patch at the moment

What you're describing sounds like symptoms of depression (lack of motivation, feeling of spiraling down, and not finding joy in things) I presume this is one of things your are taking medication for? I'm also wondering if you have someone to talk to either personally or professionally, to share the burden and to let others know how you are feeling? Even a conversation with a GP could help...

Can I ask what has helped you maintain your focus?

You've made what is no doubt a very difficult decision to leave a dv r'ship, and I imagine there would be a great deal of uncertainty in your current situation.

You are not alone, you now have the community here...

Hi @Burdening. I understand how you are feeling. Hospital provides a safe place. Your day is ordered into time slots and they cook your food. Nurses are there if you are feeling emotional and offer instant care.
I was very nervous leaving hospital and coming home. But you are restarting again due to DV.
Well done for leaving that relationship. That takes strength.
Are you attending any group therapy? Are you seeing a psychologist? It's important to continue that 'talking therapy' & that you stay in touch with your professionals.
Some people find it helpful to write down their feelings. I find it helpful to do meditation and mindfulness exercises off the internet.
You are very isolated at the moment and that can't be good for your recovery.
Are you able to commit to a 15 minute walk every day? That's more achievable than trying to do an hr. When outside - look around - can you feel sun on your face or is it cold? What can you smell? Use your senses while out and about. If you pass someone - smile at them or say hello. I find if I smile, someone will smile back at me. That feels good. Little steps.
You have done so well to get where you are. Keep going. Keep fighting. Soon you will have a new home.

I have friends who are amazing they fully understand what I'm going through as I met them in the institution and also other friends and family but this burden I feel I'm putting on them puts me in a spiral I don't know if I was diagnosed wrongly because my meds just make me feel tired and dopey all the time at my realise they diagnosed me with depression and borderline personality disorder but I think I may have bipolar as I've read up on the symptoms and I can relate to most things but as my life has been so up and down I've never taken the time to focus on what's wrong with me mentally I struggle most days but on my good days I'm gleefully happy and have no problems seeing the good and seeing that I could be better that's were I find my self so confused

I felt strong leaving the relationship but being in limbo is my fear ATM because I'm going through DV connect I have not been able to establish anything as of yet my first few days out I was upbeat and ready to take on the world once again but then the loneliness kicked friends have been great there chats help but only for a moment the last few days even walks aren't possible because I intend then I just don't feel the motivation to do so

@Burdening. You say you've never taken the time to focus on what's wrong. Maybe you can take the time now and focus on those areas of your life you want to look at