TryingMyBest90New Contributor
Struggling with partners depression
Hi All,
I am new to these forums and hoping to get some support and guidance as I feel very lost and deflated in my situation at the moment. My partner of 10 years struggles with depression and has had two major depressive episodes over the last 2 years including suicidal ideation and self harm. When things get really bad for him he drinks a lot and uses drugs in his words “because he isn’t doing anything wrong” but upon reflection he admits it’s self-medication because he can’t cope with his feelings. But as a result of this self medication he has lied and broken my trust over and over in an attempt not to hurt me, but wanting to continue using and drinking. He is well linked into a psychologist and psychiatrist and is still taking anti-depressants. When he is well and in a clearer head space we talk a lot about things that have happened and what be both needed in those times. For him, he feels he needs his space when he is low to work it out himself and get himself right, and for me I have told him I need openness and complete honesty because the trust is broken. He has recently fallen into a bad patch over the last two weeks with amounting stressors of financial, work and friendship stress. I can feel him growing more and more distant, I try to help him and said I am worried about his increasing isolation, and encouraged him to try and talk to someone (even if it’s not me)…Every time we try and do something nice separate to talking about him and his mental illness I just get angry and frustrated because there’s amounting concerns we just aren’t address, so I struggle to be in the moment and connect in the relationship. He has been drinking and using drugs a lot and only telling me in retrospect, which I don’t classify as open and honest behaviour but it’s hard to put anything on his plate right now when he “can’t cope” and has said “he can’t deal or think about anything right now.” He has just asked for space to sort himself out and some patience on my behalf. It is so hard and exhausting, I am trying to do the right thing but I don’t know how or what to do, particularly when my needs in the relationship aren’t being met.
Hoping to hear from anyone else supporting a partner and any suggestions they may have as well as just general support. Sometimes you can feel so alone like you’re carrying the whole relationship.
