social phobia affecting find life partner

Hi @Bridgetjones. I joined on here a couple of weeks ago. Had a break from here this week, not coping the best. I understand about social anxiety. Keen for a chat anythime.
Might head out for a walk now. Back on later though. 😀

Sorry @Bridgetjones I missed your message. I don't receive notifications, just have to keep an eye out.

How's your day been?

I've been home alot lately, only venturing out when I have to. Sometimes anxiety is so bad that I don't like driving much at all. Because I have a daughter, I need to drive her to school and out and about. If I didn't have her I probably wouldn't get out much at all, so I'm grateful for her in many ways.

Many years ago I had agoraphobia quite bad, but I have improved alot.

Medications don't agree with me, which makes life difficult, with socializing. I do have emergency medication, which I take when I need to. (for anxiety). But anti depressants etcetera make me feel worse.

Are you able to get out much lately? That's great that you have grandchildren, I look forward to being a nanna. I hope I remember your story, you're a single mum with grandchildren, is that correct?

I was keeping an eye out for your reply, not sure why I missed it. Will keep a better look out.

@Bridgetjones Is this your name, because of the movie, Bridget Jones Diaries?

I used the name Bridget, from that movie. 2 of my favourite movies. Looking forward to the 3rd one, which apparently comes out soon. She's so funny.

Hi @Bridgetjones

Dont worry what people think - just be you. That's the core of social anxiety - lack of self confidence and not recognising ones good qualities, or working on them for self confidence and inner strength.

Another person/partner isn't going to bring us happiness if we aren't reasonably happy within. Find you first and learn to like her feeling content first. And then others can share this gift of you and share the happiness and be good company. We don't need a partner to be whole and many are single in their 40s, 50s, 60s and so forth. It's nice to have someone to share life with - but we need to be ready for it first. And they need to be right for us or it will only cause grief (as you have discovered). We are better off alone than being with the wrong people.

See your good points and work on them. Start believing in you. Meds aren't going to cure or help social anxiety (which we all had at some stage) - building up ourselves from within, our confidence and self esteem will. Nurturing the relations with people we do have in our lives now.

Don't take what others think as gospel - who are they to judge? In reality we are our own harshest judges - most people can accept us if we accept ourselves and be natural. If we have flaws (and we all do) work on them and feel good about yourself for trying.

If people disrespect you - walk away and hold your head up high.

Socialise in circles that's does not encourage addiction/gambling etc - but healthy activities ( bush walking, art groups, academic/interest studies, church groups if so inclined, or mediation groups and the like). Step out of your comfort zone - what have you to loose?

If some don't embrace us or reject us - just means they are not right for us. We're not meant to be or not compatible. There will be those out there who are and they are all that matters. Don't sweat over the rest.

When I use to be anxious in social situations it would make me feel more relaxed if I knew I had a "quick get away" (I.e. if I was at a social dinner event I would have a excuse ready and a car/transport/lift handy if it didn't go so well). So if we feel nervous about going to events or joining in some social situations - have a plan that will make the attempts of doing such, rising your confidence, easier!

Just be you my friend, don't listen to the negative self talk but challenge it - we are all unique and special in our own way. It's just believing it - in ourselves. As those who mind don't matter and those who matter won't mind - be you.