Hi Cocoloco,
I really feel for you with your misdiagnoses. I have had similiar misdiagnoses. I also have a diagnosis of Autism/Aspergers which I agree with. But so many people don't understand what Autism is like for adults, especially women. I wasn't diagnosed until age 32 when I was struggling with work related stress. But in hindsight I had had it my whole life and had managed to hide my difficulties. I thought a diagnosis would help me, but I have had many negative reactions, and many people telling me that I don't have it.
Every job was a struggle for me, and I was frequently bullied in workplaces. This led to almost constant suicidal ideation. But by then my Autism diagnosis had been ignored & a social worker labelled me with BPD. I disagreed with it, but the psychologist I was referred to refused to discuss the diagnosis. It seemed so easily accepted, even though I only had a few of the symptoms. I did have abandonment issues - as I had been through so many therapists & jobs that I was sick of the effort it took to develop relationships, which then ended after a short time. I once or twice attempted very very minor self harm, and decided it wasn't for me, but was labelled as a self harmer. My GP at the time didn't agree with the BPD diagnosis, but as he didn't know anything about adult Autism, he accepted what the psychiatrist said. The psychiatrist only saw me occasionally, usually when I was hospitalised with suicidal ideation. I felt really strongly that the BPD diagnosis was inappropriate and so sought a second opinion from a different psychiatrist. She confirmed that Autism is my major issue, especially in workplaces. She say that although Ihave some traits of BPD, I don't have it. My new GP refuses to believe this psychiatrist, and still writes on referrals that I was diagnosed with BPD. It is very hard to escape a misdiagnosis.
BPD is a horrible diagnosis & has a lot of stigma attached to it, especially among mental health professionals. Some people think that you are doing things deliberately to get a reaction from them I had a nurse in charge of a mental health unit shout at me "You know your diagnosis, you know what you are doing, get a grip!". It was the first time I had ever been in a mental health unit & I was overwhelmed and wanted to talk with someone. Instead the nurse called security and had me taken to the secure unit.
I so agree with your statement:
@Cocoloco wrote:
I don't condone the treatment of anyone with mh in the way they do no matter the dx.
So often people treat others horribly because of assumptions or judgements they have made about people. People ignore or downplay the real challenges that living with a mental health issue can bring. One of my favourite quotes is "You never know what someone is going through. A few nice words can help a person a lot more than you think"
So many of the things that you have said, I feel too. You are not alone in feeling that you are "too complex", "a burden", "don't fit anywhere", "being selfish" when asking for help, "let down by mental health services" and feeling like "people don't really accept me". It doesn't mean that these things are true about us, it just means that people don't understand and accept us for who we really are. Some people can only see our problems and think they will try to fix us, and give up if they consider it too hard. But some rare people actually accept us as we are, seeing the positives we have to offer, rather than the negatives. They offer support but don't require us to change to fit into their idea of normal. It sounds like you have a worker who might be like this & that is great. I hope this forum can also help you feel that you have value, and are worthwhile.
Autism can be seen as disabilty - a list of things that we difficulties with. But I prefer to think of it as a different-ability, a different way of seeing the world. Every individual, including those with Autism have strengths, things they are good at, interests, and things they enjoy. Focus on those. You need to explore your strengths, find things you enjoy and are good at and make these the focus. I don't know about NDIS. People have suggested I should apply, but it is currently in the too hard basket. But even if you aren't able to get NDIS funding for the things you suggested, your suggestions of art therapy & animals are achievable in other ways. Let people know that you are wanting to do these things and ask others to help you to get it happening. When I was in hospital, I did some art therapy - they had a collection of various art materials, often donated leftovers - from fabric scraps, colouring books, greeting cards, paints, colours, glue, and lots of other bits and pieces. Everyone just used whatever interested them at the time to put together however they liked. Perhaps you could ask friends, support services and others to help you gather some supplies to enable you to create some art. There are some online forums where you can share photos of what you have created, where you could get feedback from others & see what other people have created. Maybe down the track you can get into an art therapy group or an art class.
If you are not yet able to have a companion animal, maybe you could have a cuddle of the pets of a friend or family member; look after animals of people when they go on holidays, or help out at an animal shelter to talk with, pat, or excercise the animals. I love my little dog, and was lucky enough to get her for free from my local animal rescue group, and they contributed to her desexing and vaccination. Our local animal rescue group helps many people in our community with cost associated with keeping an animal, including vet bills, and winter coats. Let people know that you are interested in getting an animal or helping with one, and ask if they can think of anything that could help you achieve this goal.
I know it is hard being different & not fitting in. But if you can, accept that you are different, and that is ok. You might have some challenges, and that can be difficult, but you also have some strengths. You have survived. You are kind and respectful of other people's challenges. You are good at writing about how you feel. ... and many more things.
Good luck with the NDIS.
