RoseglitterCasual Contributor
Just really confused about my behaviours and thoughts ❤️
I've had depression before, and am currently on antidepressants. When I feel depressed I have extremely low self esteem and I feel like all the hope has been sucked out of existence and living. I've very recently experienced what I think is a hypomanic episode? I had a lot of racing
thoughts in the morning and am generally really uninhibited in public, I can go from excited to irritated within a few hours, and I talk out loud a lot. This generally lasted until about 12:30pm, and then I’d feel fatigued and lay in bed all day. In the weeks leading up to that I felt really talkative and agitated, wanting to move and walk and do things but not being able to concentrate. Last month I also attempted suicide after suffering from a lot of suicidal thoughts in the days leading up to it.
I've had episodes almost identical to this to this before too: in 2018 I was both very all over the place and severely depressed at the same time for a few weeks.
I often feel like I can’t control my uninhibited/bizarre anxious behaviours during episodes, and when I come out of episodes I often have a much firmer grasp on my behaviour.
Recently, in the last few days my concentration levels have returned and I’m able to stop talking out loud to myself, and my mind’s darting around less as well.
i think that a break up/heartbreak started this last episode but I can't be sure. In 2018 I also felt pressured to try to do really well at university and look for work, and I wanted to get my act together. I find that these episodes of depressed moods/thoughts, and racing thinking/uninhibited behaviour happen during times where nothing stressful is going on in my life too.
