All the bad ideas in my head is back...

Hey @PocketRocket88,

I'm one of the moderators. It's very brave of you to reach out and say you're not going well, especially if you have been isolating yourself.

You're saying the urge to suicide is building so I'm very concerned about you. Keep an eye on your inbox for a check in email 🌻

@PocketRocket88

I have been through suicide myself.

If you feel that you are becoming suicidal please dial 000. If you are having suicidal thoughts please chat with someone. You can reach out to suicide call back on 1300659467 or chat online at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Can you talk through your feelings about the challenges of this isolation because of COVID.

You mentioned that you are on drugs, what are the challenges that you are facing?

My biggest problem atm is that I can't seem to not take Meth coz it has been my somewhat coping mechanism when I'm bored, stressed or depressed.,

deep down I know that drugs is a huge factor in how I feel but Drugs also somewhat keep me safe and out of my own head.,

I thought that once I get home I will try my best to be better if only I didn't got served with court papers for something I've done towards a nurse and while I was in a mental health ICU, I didn't really physically harmed her (atleast that wasn't my real intention at that time), all I did was I just kept kicking her shoe off the doorway so that I can have a brief moment to try and collect my thoughts., I obviously wasn't thinking that time and I was not mentally well., but now I am dreading this court hearing coz this will definitely affect my life., I honestly don't know how I'll cope if this doesn't go well.,

@PocketRocket88

Please seek some legal advice from Legal Aid in your state or territory.

For advice on taking the next steps with you substance misuse go to

https://adf.org.au/help-support/

You mentioned that take meth because you were bored, stressed and depressed. Have you talked about what the stresses are in your life and what is it that makes you depressed.

Have you seen a psychologist to discuss any of these issues?

I used to see a psychologist but my referral run out couple of months ago so atm I haven't seen one except for my recent hospital admission...

I think I know what stresses me but unlike any other normal person I couldn't regulate my own emotions and that to me it's always black and white., I have borderline personality disorder which I need DBT to learn what I need to so that I can somewhat function and live a somewhat normal life.,

Aside from BPD i also have an underactive thyroid which also contributes to how im feeling specially when its out of whack.,

So yea,. The other problem I have is that I need to take my thyroid meds regularly which I'm terrible in doing so., and once I do take my meds I almost always don't know when to stop which leads to me taking more than prescribed which leads to being admitted to ED.,

Thanks for sharing @PocketRocket88, how do you find DBT? Have heard many incredible things about especially the components of radical acceptance and learning about distress tolerance. I am sorry to hear about the thyroid in addition. You have an exceptional ability to navigate through these challenges, you seem to me a very resilient person We're always here to listen and hold space along the way. How are you travelling tonight?

@PocketRocket88

Sounds like things are quite challenging for you at the moment.

You mention that DBT is helpful.
could you go back to your doctor to get another referral to see your psychologist?

You have many challenges with your thyroid. Do you have any plans in place to help you monitor how much medications you take?

Once I have fully organised myself, I will ask my gp for a new referral for the psych., although I found this new telepsych that's covered under bulk billing and I've made an appointment already., just waiting for the appointment day to come.,

well all my support professionals would like me to have all my meds blister packed, although it's a good and sensible thing to do it's just that it'll cost me more every week for my meds to be packed., so atm I'll try my best to keep to my prescribed dose.,