Hi @Sweet_cheeks (luv the name, by the way 
)
From what you've said, I find your son's position very relatable and I have to say, I found it so uplifting to read how eager you are to help remedy your son's problems. I'd always hoped my family would show a similar interest in helping me, but alas it wasn't to be. So there's a real vicarious joy for me in reading about your eagerness to help your son.
I don't know whether or not you'd be interested in getting some insight from someone like me, as to what your son might be going through. But if you are, I'll tell you about some of the big issues from a point of view such as my own. If you aren't, that's okay; you don't need to read any more of this post.
I have to stress that I can only write about my specific situation, and you son is a differant man with a differant situation. So keep in mind that just because I say something doesn't mean that the same will be true for your son. But hopefully this post might give you some insight and helpful food for thought. It might give you some ideas about questions you might want to ask your son.
First of all,you said that you think he ought to go back to the therapist he was seeing? One of the very hard lessons I learnt after my own stint in therapy is that therapists don't actually provide practical help to real-life crisises such as loneliness, isolation or unemployment. So if you are hoping that your son's therapist will try to help your son find a girlfriend, plutonic friends, or a satisfying job, I'm sorry to say that this is not the case. As a matter of fact, therapists unofficially call it "the golden rule" of therapy not to give patients any real-world help with their problems.
That was a major shock for me to learn that, considdering the way the media so often paints the mental health system as the great savior of people with unbearable lives.
Secondly, a major difficulty I've struck throughout my life is getting people to understand that loneliness is not cured by simply placing yourself in proximity to other human beings; it's about getting together with the right human beings for me.
I've faced a lot of crap in my life because I haven't been enthusiastic enough about socializing with people I don't connect with. Long story short, I've been punished because the only social options that have been presented to me aren't what I need. I've been labelled as 'a willfully unsocial person who wants to be alone' and basically been told over and over again that my loneliness is all my own fault because I haven't done a good enough job of pretending to enjoy untold hours of boring, unenjoyable or downright unpleasant company.
But just because I don't want to be indifinitely tied to someone who adds nothing to my life; just because I politely avoid summons to hang around with such people... it doesn't mean I want to be alone, that I enjoy being alone, or that I'm not willing to make any effort to find a family or take justifiable risks to do the same.
That might be worth keeping in mind if you start to feel like your son's behavior doesn't reflect someone who wants good relationships in his life. But once again, he's a differant man, so what I have to say won't necessarily apply to him. It's just something to think about.
It's also worth keeping in mind that empty and unpleasant encounters take something out of you, and - IMHO - you can't expect someone with a limited reserve of light in their life to play-act being a good little social participant in worthless social encounters indefinitely.
Thirdly, an enormous stumbling block in my life has been people assuming that what they want my life to look like is the blueprint for my happy ending. Nothing could be further from the truth. Similarly, people persist in judging me and my life based on what they considder to be desirable and undesirable. They have no regard for the fact that many of the things they wish to keep out of their lives are things that I dearly desire to have in my life, and vice-versa.
So if you are sincere about wanting to help your son, please make sure you are working towards his blueprint for a happy ending, not necessarily your own. Make no assumptions. Ask him questions about what he needs, and try not to make any judgements, if you can. If my parents ever really acknowledged what I need, I'm sure they would say to themselves: "Why the hell would anyone ever want their life to be like that?" My aspirations have always been totally alien to them. So it may well be the case that your son's desires might totally confound you. But if you are sincere about wanting to help him, you need to remember that that's the job: to help him; not to help yourself by bending his life to look the way you want it to look.
Finally, in referance to your post:
@Sweet_cheeks wrote:
He didn't finish school. He's 21 with no prospects and in this climate getting a job is going to be really hard. You're right he should definitely go back to counselling. Maybe once a fortnight.
I'm not sure how much that's weighing on your mind in relation to the other problems you've mentioned. But one of the things I've found that others have difficulty appreciating is that, when your in a situation like mine, the struggle to survive takes a backseat to an absence of value in your life. I've been unemployed for a long time now and a lot of people turn their noses up at me because of that. But money, employment, survival are the last things on my mind. I'm all alone with no love, no friendship, no reason to live. So why on earth would I be concerned that I can't afford to feed myself? For me, the prospect of starvation isn't a nightmare; it's liberation.
Once again, my woes mightn't necessarily reflect your son's woes. But if, as you say: "he hates himself and hates the world" he may well be mystified by people imposing an expectation upon him that he should fight and struggle to remain in this world which he hates. In other words, he may not appreciate your concern about his difficulties in making a living if he has no reason to live. I, myself, am completely mystified by why others think I'm not doing enough to insure I remain here in hell indefinitely. But, once again, your son may well have differant views. Don't make assumptions; ask him what's going on with him.
But IMHO, priority one is to fix the life; make it good, make it worth prolonging - then you can start wrestling with the follow up question of how you are going to prolonging it. You expect to push someone to make a living when they have no reason to live.
I hope this can offer you some useful insight that might ultimately help you to help your son.
I apologize for going on and on about myself, but I can only write from personal experiance.
