Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Child stealing money

JannBCasual Contributor25 July 2020, 2:14 pm AEST

Child stealing money

I'm at a loss at what to do, my child who is on the spectrum and remembers numbers after only seeing them 1 or 2 times, keeps sneaking looks at my purse and we have had 4-5 instances where they have used my card information to purchase things, mostly online. Only small purchases, largest one has been about $70. But nevertheless, it is stealing and its not a behavior that is sustainable to living in the real world. They are only 12 years old, I have tried several diferent ways to try and stop this behavior, their psycologist is aware and we have been trying to help this situation. I dont know what to do, have considered speaking to police for a 'real world' talk but 1) i feel this will not be beneficial to my kid and it may make them distrust police in future if they are requiring police assistance and 2) it shouldnt be a police responsibility to parent my child... but what do i do??? I have other children who are not on the spectrum and they wouldnt consider even trying this but even if they did, they have insight into how and why this is wrong and can understand (if its explained) the long term ramifications of this behavior, they learn from thier mistakes and can understand the hurt this behavior causes betraying trust etc, these are all things that my child with ASD struggle with. Hiw do i work with that??

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: Child stealing money

Unknown userMember25 July 2020, 3:07 pm AEST

Re: Child stealing money

Hey @JannB,

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here, and what a challenging situation! It sounds like you have a sense what will not be helpful to address this behaviour, but are still figuring out what will. I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection.

I'm the moderator on duty right now. Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be pretty useful in understanding how it all works 🌻

In response to: Child stealing money

BunniekinsSenior Contributor26 July 2020, 4:28 am AEST

Re: Child stealing money

@JannB Hi JannB and welcome to the forums. I also have a child on the spectrum who has his own account and debit card. He is aware of how money works and when he does go shopping always buys food for example on special. Does your child have a debit card linked up to to his bank account? If not that might solve your problems. I know that I had carers allowance when my child was 12 (he is in his 20s now) and would deposit money into it so that he would have money to to spend. He now has a disability allowance which I monitor with him where he pays rent, clothing etc. I would suggest maybe starting small with a sustainable amount. I would also be hiding my credit cards etc as it will only lead to huge problems in the future if he is using your credit card for purchases. There was another Sane member who was having problems with her son and him using her credit card to make large purchases (he was in his late teens-twenties) and then not paying back and ultimately it is your credit card and are responsbie. I only wish I could remember her hame .... anyway. I hope I have helped a bit. greenpeax

In response to: Re: Child stealing money

JannBCasual Contributor26 July 2020, 8:41 am AEST

Re: Child stealing money

Thanks for replying, we have set them up with their own card and they do get a small allowance. They often spend this right away. And I do generally keep my cards hidden but they remembers the numbers from seeing me type it on a screen (may watch from over my sholder) or from seeing the number on the card when I bring it out to purchase something. I could go and get new cards with new numbers but it wouldn't take long for them to catch a glimpse of the new card and have remembered that one.

In response to: Re: Child stealing money

Unknown userMember26 July 2020, 9:42 am AEST

Re: Child stealing money

If your child is good with numbers is it worthwhile directing them to websites that encourage budgeting/ savings and frugal living and asking them to put their number skills to good use @JannB ? I am not sure if community guidelines allow but there is one that came up on my YouTube feed where this dude is really down the line about paying off debt, not getting into any more debt (he refers to getting rid of credit cards as plastic surgery 😁).

In response to: Child stealing money

SadSackSallyCasual Contributor01 Aug 2020, 7:14 am AEST

Re: Child stealing money

Mmmmm.....

I'm so not okay with this situation.

I have a brother who is Autistic - he knows very well what he is doing and plays on the ASD as a way of getting what he wants anyway.

I think it sounds like he understands the concept of money, but doesn't care who earns it... he wants to spend it. And he doesn't understand why he can't.

I would stop using a card altogether in front of him. If you go to pay for something and he is there, ensure he is social distancing from you. Or pay on your phone through paypal.

I'm sorry you are struggling. I would be banning the computer until he turns 21 anyway though if I were you.......

1 - 5 of 5