HI

My wife has been suffering with BPD for what I suspect has been decades. We've been together for 27 years but it was only at the beginning of last year that she was finally diagnosed. We have had a turbulant relationship for a lot of that time; we were together for 7 years before we were married. We have 2 wonderful kids, but I know they have also suffered badly. They are both teenagers in their mid to late teens.Â

There have been many chronically distressing scenarios over the years- too many to list, but I have stuck around and call me crazy, but I have always held hope that things would one day get better for he sake of my family. My wife is a beautiful, compassionate, creative and caring individual, but as the BPD has intensified, she has lost the ability to experience joy within her family and in the world which is an absolute tradgedy.Â

The nature of BPD has in the past 12 months turmed our family on it's head- it has lead to job loss, family separation and self harming incidents on multiple occasions. I'm very grateful for the diagnosis as prior to that, we were really flying blind; at least the mystery is now gone.

I love my wife and cherish my family- there is so much to hold hope for, but my heart as completely broken for what has occured- I live each day with an overwhelming sadness that is all consuming. I have had many negative, destructive thoughts which I know is not good for anyone.Â

My wife is thankfully now recieveing DBT treatment at a top cover therapy course. It is still early days, but I hold so much hope that it will have positive effects. In reality, I know that her treatment will be required to go on much longer than the 12 initial weeks.

There is so much I could talk about here, so so much. I hope that someone might like to engage with what I’ve talked about here.

What I’ve found is that the more you research (and there’s plenty of material online- youtube etc) the more you realise that you are not crazy and that a lot of what has happened makes some kind of sense.

For the partner of someone with BPD, life can be difficult and as you are regularly the target of their outbursts, it can be a hurtful existance which is really tough. I have hung on because my wife is not like that all the time- underneath as I said abobe, her beauty, compassion, creativity and general outlook on life is something that is worth putting in the work for but in honesty, my ability to keep going has been tested many, many times.

Thanks.