Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Have to get this out in the open

TopDeckSenior Contributor17 July 2020, 4:10 pm AEST

Have to get this out in the open

A lot of things I'm gonna say aren't going to be agreed with but I live by myself and have no one else to talk to about these things.

Four things are on my mind right now;

1. I do not, and cannot see any plausible reason to date and get a girlfriend. Most of them end up either cheating on me, toying with my emotions or abruptly ending it. There's no substance in the relationship. If it's not long term, then there's no point. No such thing as "the right one will come eventually", I've been waiting 6 years since my last serious relationship and nothing's come by. Tinder and dating apps have made the standards way too high and dating has gone down the toilet.

2. I should not be expected to have a job. I don't care if I'm bludging off taxpayer money. I was ostracized by society since being diagnosed schizoaffective, I owe nothing to it. Sick of people parroting about my money or my lack of a job. It's not everything and I know for a fact the instant I get one I'll be miserable.

3. Life does not revolve around anyone's expectations of me. As far as I'm concerned, I'll be stuck on the pension for the rest of my life and I'm fine with that. I don't owe anyone anything and I don't have to meet anyone else's expectations but my own.

4. Society is terrible. The standards are horrendous. It's either "you must have a job and you must be working or doing something productive" or you're trash. Again, don't owe society anything. There is no debt I owe, and if it's something like the gift of life or some soppy thing like that I never asked to be in this life in the first place.

Anyways that's all I wanted to say, just wanted to get things off my chest. If anyone's offended, I apologize but I'm not gonna take back my words. Thank you.

7 replies

1 - 7 of 7

In response to: Have to get this out in the open

PeregrinefalconSenior Contributor17 July 2020, 5:14 pm AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

Hey @TopDeck,

I can see you are sitting with some difficult feelings at the moment. I am glad the forums can act as a 'vent' space for you - sometimes writing it all down is really helpful.

I hope your peers here can provide you with some support. We are all here for you.

I encourage you to find some time today to engage in something purely for yourself and to treat yourself with kindness 🙂

Take care,

Peregrinefalcon

In response to: Have to get this out in the open

Slink_New Contributor17 July 2020, 6:35 pm AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

You are right that none of us need to agree with you. Do you know why? Because we are not you, we don't know what lead you to where you are in life so keep venting away! Your thought are quite organised and well through through.
I am in the same position with being made to work. I am too "well" to get the DSP, I am asked for work 15 hours a week. I got the sack from my last job about 3 months ago. It crushed me and sent me into a tail spin of diaspair and it justifued

all my thoughts I have about myself.
I hope you had some good feelings today, even for a second.

In response to: Have to get this out in the open

LilacaSenior Contributor18 July 2020, 12:28 am AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

@TopDeck

A job is nasty, but a hobby, now that's something else. Just do what you love and you'll end up somewhere.

Say, in order to get better you may want to cook healthy meals and you'll start researching and learning new recipes. And there you'll pick up new skills and be a 'masterchef'.

Or you may enjoy bushwalking for exercise and note down many nature trails, well one day you may run a bushwalking group and take them for walks or camping weekly for a fee.

Otherwise, perhaps you enjoy photography, you may be involved in a photography group and sell photos online.

I hope you find many enjoyable activities and attract the right people into your life. 🙂

In response to: Have to get this out in the open

jem80Senior Contributor18 July 2020, 1:03 am AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

@TopDeck

It's a shame that you have been burnt in relationships and don't feel like you can trust someone.

with regards to a job, it doesn't have to be a paid job, you could volunteer and work on your own schedule. I did that for 5 years. Volunteering got me out of the house, however I could tailor my work day.

Have you considered doing something that you are interested in, it might be drawing or listening to music or watching your favourite tv show?

In response to: Re: Have to get this out in the open

TopDeckSenior Contributor19 July 2020, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

There isn't much I'm interested in, this illness has crushed all interests and dreams. I live by myself in a near empty 2 bedroom apartment, don't have money to do nice things on the pension. All goes to rent, food and smokes that's it. I try to live day to day but it's hard, especially with COVID going around. Tried to go to the library today just to sit somewhere and read but I'm not allowed to do that. I've been trying for ages to sort my life out but nothing has worked, I'm 26 and I've got no job, no experience, no references, no one will hire me and that's the reality. There is no way out. There is no hope. I'm thinking of just doing courses constantly so I can get the pensioner education supplement just for the extra money. The reality which has been hard to accept is that I'm that isolated and alone if I were to drop dead it'd take weeks before anyone noticed. I'll be the person who lives alone all his life, I'll be the person who never worked and was on the pension all his life and I'll definitely be the person who dies alone. It started out not trusting women but now it's gone to friends and people in general, can't trust anyone these days.

In response to: Re: Have to get this out in the open

jem80Senior Contributor19 July 2020, 9:18 pm AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

@TopDeck

I know how you feel given the restrictions of COVID-19. I have tried to do my interests at home. I go for walks just to get out and about.

I remember that Disability support services helped me out with getting a job. Many would be in the same situation where most of their pension goes towards rent and bills. It's a struggle always.

If you are feeling suicidal Please call 000 or suicide call back on 1300659467 or chat online at https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

In response to: Re: Have to get this out in the open

Unknown userMember19 July 2020, 9:59 pm AEST

Re: Have to get this out in the open

Hey @TopDeck

It sounds like you're carrying a lot at the moment, and I'm really sorry to hear that you are thinking there is no hope. I'm really glad you have chosen to come to the forums to talk about what you're going through and I can see you have already found other people who can relate to you in some ways.

I want to reiterate what @jem80 has kindly stated, but if you feel the need to reach out and speak to someone like Lifeline or SCBS, I encourage you to do so. And please continue to share your experience with us, we are glad to have you here.

Warmest Regards,

Basil.

1 - 7 of 7