Greetings @Damienp
and all others of the post @NatureLover @BPDSurvivor @Snowie @Blep and all who may come.
I only go where i'm needed, directed by higher intelligences which suggested for me to come here.
In this post I will offer you the direct answers and solutions to what you face, consider it a guiding light in the darkness to assist in navigation.
So let's begin,
The idea of "Self worth" is a trap, because the self isn't worth anything, it is an artificial construct and you are not a "self" it was picked up, accumilated and created over time, your likes and dislikes, sense of "me" etc, it is an artificially constructed program of identity, the idea of unworthiness is just a thought, a belief system that you bought into, it has no power over you unless you choose that it does, your true worth is written in your unique blueprint and expression of creation, which is priceless and irreplaceable, if you weren't worthy then you wouldn't have been created, you wouldn't exist. (more on this soon)
When one comes across the idea of identity and starts to look at it and question it, it tells me that they are on the verge of a potential true awakening, its a great sign, in many cases you are already more awakened than most "professionals" (psychs etc) who have no lived experience, because lived experience is the #1 authority, and you are the #1 authority on you.
The label of what is called as "BPD" is just a label, its an identity construct that only when believed in becomes true for you, it required a defintion to be agreed upon and identified with, I suggest from my own experience that you choose not to buy into their names and labels of you because it's not who you are and if you are looking for your true identity it will only mislead you and lead to more suffering.
Now, firstly I will say that if you were not worthy of your existence and to be here on this world, then you simply wouldn't exist. But you do, so that's that.
This understanding goes deeper and is also related to the idea of "identity".
When you understand that you are literally made of divine material, literally the same material as the cosmos and that at the time of your birth was a unique cosmic and planetary astrological alignment of the entire universe, a unique blueprint for your unique expression of creation and the form that you are, then it's very easy to see how rare and worthy you are just to be here regardless of any past experiences thoughts emotions and behaviours of which all is already forgiven, they were rungs on the ladder, just as valid experiences as any, forgive yourself, make peace of the past, you may even be greatful because it got you here on the verge of true awakening reading this post, everything you see in your reality is a result of your past thoughts emotions behaviours and actions, it doesn't have to be your future, the idea of "future" and the reality you truly prefer is built and created from the present and this moment right now is a blank canvas because with every given moment you have a choice for the reality that you prefer to create, you are responsible for your decisions and your vehicle, the steering wheel is in your hands.
Your unique astrological blueprint and unique expression of creation shows us that no-one else can be you, you have never been this unique form and expression before and you will never be it again, you are precious, this alone shows how valueable you are because you are irreplaceable, you are a unique puzzle piece of the whole picture designed for a unique purpose of which no other can fill your shoes entirely, isn't that awesome!?
You are beginning to see now that the real you is not a personality construct, that what we came to know as "me" was an artificially constructed mask picked up, accumilated and imposed upon us since birth, it is an accumilation of likes, dislikes, thoughts, beliefs and false senses of self, like costumes and masks that we tried on, even our names that we were given were stuck upon us, all of these things were a coming and a going, we watched them all, witnessed them all, but we are still here, we aren't coming and going.
So the question remains "who am I?" to come to a point in yourself where you are ready to investigate this within, to sincerely ask this, means that you are on the verge of true awakening of which very few humans have realized, this is a great gift more valueable than anything!
To unlock this fully and to understand who you truly are a practice called self-inquiry is necessary, you are not the mind nor the body.
The truth of who you are in most simple terms is "WHOEVER YOU WANT TO BE" yet to recognise also that you are working with your unique cosmic geometric astrological blueprint, every form is a sound an every sound is a form (nada brahma= the universe is sound vibration) you are energy, all of this is energy, a play of form, "all the worlds a stage".
You are who you choose to be and identitfy with being, the one who you truly are if you are searching for truth then it requires inward looking, i.e "the only way out is in" who you truly are is beyond the mind and body, it is known as Shiva, meaning "that which is not" i.e "GOD" we are all that within and beneath the surface and play of form of matter (maya) of atoms, of energy, sub theonic resonance patterns, though this is best discovered by direct experience, never believe anyone, only by experience you know truth,
and besides, i'm not here to unwrap all of your presents before christmas, nor can I, I can show you the path that I know 100% from experience is the way to freedom and true awakening,
Though only you can walk it, I can point you in the right direction which is healthy food, classical hatha yoga and self enquiry meditation (specifically), this is the most direct way.
Lastly, I will share some basics of the mechanics of reality.
In regards to friends, best not to have friends if we are not our own friend first,
and you are the best and true friend you are looking for first and foremost, how do you relate to your existence? and how do you relate to your reality, all things can be a "friend" even rocks and trees if one is perceptive to their aliveness and fact that "god" is everywhere in all, though a friend is someone who supports the ego sense of self or "me" construct, they are a running psychological program, a character on the stage of life, there's nothing wrong with that, though if you are searching for truth then there is only one way to look and that is inward.
If you tell yourself and buy int the thoughts that you are unworthy, then that is the energy you are choosing to fill yourself with and project out into the world, and so the universe supports that because that is what you "ordered", the reflection of reality simply reflects what we put out back to us, this isn't a philosophy or some made up ideology, it is a fundamental principle for how reality works, in physics it is known as "cause and effect", in spirituality and in sanskrit it is known as "karma" which means action; because what you put out is what you get back.
As the old saying goes, we can lead a horse to water but we can't make it drink,
however I also know that all thirsty horses will drink sooner or later to survive,
so this is my offering to you and those who come across it to those who need it, to remember who you truly are and the way to do so.
I wish you well on your journey back home, to your heart.
Namaskaram
Peace
Guiding_Light
