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Narsatististic family systems

Abby10Contributor10 July 2020, 12:32 pm AEST

Narsatististic family systems

I'm 37 an a mother of two an married to a lovely man. I'm so lucky to call these guys my family. This is my story! My name is Abby10 2 weeks ago I had an epiphany after reading about narrsasitic family patterns. I'm the scapegoat. I've never felt loved or connected to any of my family members. I have 3 siblings who I'm completely estranged from. An minimal contact with parents with whom I'm trying to go no contact. I have stressed about what is wrong with me for so long. Diagnosed, generalised anxiety disorder, PTSD and depression. And always wondered why I'm so worthless basically. And it turns out these people are incapable of love. I feel some relief and some of the hate hurt and pain seems to have desolved with this knowledge. How ever I'm on an emotional roller coaster trying to make sence an where to go from here. I feel I'm on the recovery path but needing guidance in the steps to take. I'm a chronic self loather self destructive behaviors and suck at relationships. But I'm loyal and developing compassion an empathy as I grow and I have an underlying drive to do better. I've felt so broken at times, something I call emotional agony!! So lost alone like a drop in the ocean, insignificant to anyone. I was lucky enough to have a beautiful friendship during high school I loved her an knew she loved me we were so close but unfortunately she passed in a car accident at 18. I feel my life has had teachers come an go when I've needed them. I feel my intuition is very strong sometimes I feel like my intuition can be problematic as I feel like I feel to much. I also strongly believe in sycronicty. In a nutshell we were neglected and abused. It's so hard to say that. Everything has been so minimized and swept under the carpet or ignored. I probably sound nuts but thanks for taking the time to see my post.

Cheers Abby10

5 replies

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In response to: Narsatististic family systems

MaggieSenior Contributor11 July 2020, 5:55 am AEST

Re: Narsatististic family systems

@Abby10 Welcome to the forums.

It doesn’t sound nuts at all. I had a narcissistic mother, and it really can leave behind some very deep wounds. I also suffered abuse and neglect as a child.

You have shared your diagnosis, I’m wondering if you are seeing a therapist on a regular basis. Talking through this trauma can be both helpful and different, both at the same time.

You are not alone in the confusion left behind by this kind of relationship. I alm sorry you are going through this.

I will tag @Faith-and Hope as she has a wealth of knowledge and experience in this are.

In response to: Narsatististic family systems

NatureLoverSenior Contributor11 July 2020, 9:36 am AEST

Re: Narsatististic family systems

Hi and welcome, @Abby10 . It's good you've joined!

I feel for your shock at finding out your family is narcissistic. And I'm sorry for your loss of your high school friend at 18. 😞

I agree with @Maggie , do you have a therapist who you could work through all this with?

@Abby10 wrote:
I feel my intuition is very strong sometimes I feel like my intuition can be problematic as I feel like I feel to much.

I'm also wondering if you might be an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)?

If you want to find threads on any topic, just type it into the search bar above. Another handy tip is if you want to tag someone, just type @ and click on their name in the drop-down box - that way they'll get a notification that you've replied to them.

I hope you enjoy exploring the forums and find them helpful.

In response to: Re: Narsatististic family systems

Abby10Contributor12 July 2020, 1:01 am AEST

Re: Narsatististic family systems

Hi Maggie thanks for your reply. It's awful you don't realise there are so many others out there! And yes deep wounds! Lots of therapy in the past on an off. But looking into some again now. I'm only just finding my voise. But I don't feel as voiseless. I just couldn't understand but now its making so much more sence So confusing for so long but at least some rays of clarity now 🙂.
Thanks Maggie

In response to: Re: Narsatististic family systems

Abby10Contributor12 July 2020, 1:14 am AEST

Re: Narsatististic family systems

Hi Naturelover
Thankyou!
Yeh like the penny dropped. Biggest epihony in my life so far!! I knew something was clearly not right from my perspective but always told it wasn't that bad basically. Well turns out when you find the right words to research it's all there in black an white. Thank you, the loss of my friend has been devastating but i was lucky to have her at all!! Years of grief an suffering I'm learning compassion. I'm feeling some things I've never felt. I will look into HSP. Thanks for your reply Naturelover.

In response to: Re: Narsatististic family systems

MaggieSenior Contributor12 July 2020, 5:54 am AEST

Re: Narsatististic family systems

@Abby10 I’m pleased you are looking into more therapy. Finding a good fit can be tricky, but worth the search.

I’ve been voiceless most of my life. Now, it comes and goes, but expressing my feeling, when I found had them, and finding someone who respects me, has been a life changing experience. But it’s a long journey, or it has been for me.

Some of the confusion comes from how the situation can be turned, and blamed on you. It’s a cleaved tool narcissistic people use. Then the charm, they are the most charming generous people, but there’s alway a catch, you. Been there many times.

Clarity is a good thing to remember.

Like @NatureLover I too am sorry you lost your friend. Grieving is another very difficult emotion to deal with.

A forum tip. The @ brings a dropdown, that’s how we get tagged and know you have replied.

Its really good talking to you. I hope there is good in your day today. Sending some 💞💞💞

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