Help! My dad is an alcoholic!

@Dolly01 Hi Dolly01 I am the daughter of an alcoholic father and yes the damage they cause to themselves and those who love them is frightening. My father thankfully died back in 2000 and the grief and elation I felt .... it was such a weight off my shoulders. Sweetheart the only thing I did was move as far away from him as possible. It was the best thing that I did for myself and my own family. I dont regret it at all. What I regret was not moving out quickly enough. Your father has made a choice to drink. You must look after yourself. You cannot save him (I know that you know that) .... I tried many times and to no avail. It is up to your father to save himself. greenpeax

Hi @Dolly01 Thank you for taking the time to reach out to the forums. It's a big step and I'm very proud of you, so well done☺️.

Like you, my father is an alcoholic and also has depression and anxiety. He likes to use the excuse that alcohol will make him sleep better which I have learnt isn't true. He always used to have a glass or 2 of alcohol when he came home from work - he's now long retired- but it has gotten worse ever since he retired and he's lost friends because of this as drinking seems to be his hobby of choice now. I've had to make the difficult choice to cease contact with him because after my mental health started to deteriorate, it was decided that it was best for me to move out of home (I was looking after he had a major operation whereby he was told to no longer drink but the relationship became very bad for the both of us). That was 4 years ago and the only contact I've had with him is when he calls my phone and leaves messages which are rude or very hard to understand as he's in a drunken state. It's then up to me if or when I choose to listen to the messages and what I do after that, usually call my sister to see if he's called her or speak to my friends or mental health support team for advice. Unfortunately, whilst I feel guilty at times for not helping him and being there for him, I also accept that he made the choice to drink alcohol and he's in charge of his behaviours and actions. My father even lost his license for drink driving for 12 months yet believed and still believes that he wouldn't have gotten caught if he'd taken a different road instead of the one he got caught on, despite the fact that both he and his partner at the time were both over the limit and shouldn't have been driving.
I wish I could be of more help to you @Dolly01 . Have you spoken to anyone about your concerns such as a GP or another health professional? I do know that I tried the friends, family and carers group of Alcoholics Anonymous for a period of time in my state so that's also a possible option for you to maybe consider. Let me know if I can assist you with this in some way.

Take care😊

Hi @Dolly01 My father is an alcoholic and I feel your pain. Growing up was like walking on eggshells and never knowing what mood he would be in or jump to if you said the wrong thing.

Anyway I wanted to say I am not surprised your father has burned all his bridges sadly that is a byproduct of both his addiction and personality. While you should be supportive to your father you should not feel he is your burden. It is his choice to keep on drinking and only he can decide to change.

Sadly from experience you won't be able to make him better as he has to do that himself. Please do not keep feeling guilty or sad 💜💕