Need some help/tips

Hi @Ash6

I am very sorry to hear about your mother. That is a massive grief. You would have seen and sensed so many things leading up to it and since.

Minimising medication has always been suggested to me. My family history makes pdocs wary of jumping to conclusions. I think it is partly compassion, but it also leads to other problems, where we actually dont get our genuine needs met, which has consequences.

Are there any groups to support after suicide in your city/state? We cant make specific suggestions. Grief support, a group of some kind, plus one to one could be a way to go if you can see your gp about it.

My mother was in intensive care unit for a month before she hemmoraged and died but the month was spent by her side hearing constant bad news from judgemental nurses that believed she wasn't deserving of all the machines keeping her alive. Then when she died, because it wasn't a natural death the police needed someone to view the body and no one else in the family wanted to do it so I had to and that is the last and only image of her I now have in my mind.

There was never time to really grieve because I had to be in places and the responsibilities that people expected of me so I've just been going non-stop since.

The last mental health plan I received by my gp(which I barely know) was late last year and it was because I had breathing issues which all the physical tests and x-ray came back clean so she ruled it to be high anxiety most likely built up over time from my body not having proper relief which the psychologist confirmed can happen but she kept giving me homework to do but my mind can't shut off and instead of knowing what I want in life like goals, all I can think about is how I don't want to be here anymore. It also doesn't help when everyone in my life has the attitude that I'm doing this to myself and that I should just be able to let go of the serious things in life like they can.

I was told right after mum died about a support group with suicide loss but i would have to try and remember the name of it and work up being able to speak in person in front of other people. I've never been good at public speaking.

@Ash6 I'm sorry to hear about this trauma that you've been through and are still suffering.

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@Ash6 wrote:

...all I can think about is how I don't want to be here anymore.

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This sounds serious, and I'm concerned for you. I would definitely follow @outlander 's suggestion of finding a different GP, and telling them this. I agree with you that you might need the support of medication to help you get through at this time.

I'm also sorry to hear that people around you aren't supportive of your mental health concerns, and are telling you that you're doing this to yourself. As if anyone would do this to themselves deliberately! Anxiety and depression are terrible things to suffer.

Wishing you all the best with finding professional support.

Hi @Ash6 ,

Thanks so much for sharing on our forums. I am also feeling somewhat concerned after reading your post and so just letting you know I've sent you a private email to your inbox.

With all the upmost care for your well-being and from me and the entire community wishing you the best,

Otter

Hi @Ash6 I just wanted to let you know that I read your posts and I'm so sorry for what you've been through, and for your long struggle with anxiety and depression. Please know that you are not alone. I came to the forum in the middle of a very difficult time and it has been really helpful for me to chat with people who get where I'm coming from and accept me no matter how well or badly I feel things are going.

I agree with some of the other people responding here that it is worth searching for a gp who is better equipped to help with mental health stuff. It can be a frustrating, demoralising search but once you find one they are worth their weight in gold. Some practices list GP's areas of interest, and you could also ask the receptionist if there is anyone there who focusses on mental health. Sometimes the best option is a recommendation from someone you trust, but that can be hard if you feel isolated or don't want to disclose things to people you know.

It is difficult to tell a Dr(or anyone else) when things are desparate, but try to remember that a large proportion of GPs' work relates to the mental health of their patients and it's their job to listen and do the best that they can for you. If you feel that they are not taking you seriously, I hope that you will keep looking for one who will.

Thinking of you.

Thanks for your messages and everyone's support. In regards to my level of safety, I believe I am safe from doing any harm to myself. I have always had somewhat urges and thoughts but something blocks me from following through with anything.

I have since googled doctors who have mental health listed in their interests or specialty and I've bookmarked 3 in my area at different clinics plus I'm booked in to speak to the first one on Tuesday morning.

I have fears of people in my life finding out I'm taking these steps because of what they already think and that's without knowing the true and full extent of my feelings. I've watched how people reacted to my mother going through her issues and I'm scared of that same response. Someone I knew(but weren't friends or friendly) committed suicide a few years back and people who cared about her said what she did was selfish so there's my answer about how they feel on that topic.

I have a habit of dropping everything when someone I care about is in need of support but when it comes to myself, the fear of stigma causes me to try and shove my feelings further down. I'm mentally exhausted behind closed doors.

I am glad you have reached out @Ash6

It's not long since your mother died as you said she died when you were about 20 I think and you are still in your twenties - also - losing someone so important to you to suicide is really hard - I know this from experience. It also seems your mother's passing was drawn out as well and this makes it all the more traumatic for you

We care about people here so we will try and support you. It seems your remaining family and friends are not supportive and this is really hard - other relations expecting a young person to identify a body is wretched behaviour and you have no reason to feel guilty or that you have failed in some way - you have been seriously let down by other people who could have helped you at the time and since and this doesn't reflect on you in any way - also - certainly some people feel things less than others - and here we do feel things that are sorrowful and cause us grief

I think grief is one of the things causing your emotions at the moment and you really do need some support. It's true that Medicare only gives us 10 sessions a year and this is very little and it takes time to build up rapport with some therapists - but not all

I can only suggest what others have and see a GP about therapy - it does need talking about - to ease your mind and relieve what has taken place in your life

Another avenue is to ring Life Line on 13 11 14 and they may be able to refer you to other agencies that can help - and we will do what we can

Also - I would like to take this chance to welcome you to the forum

Dec

So I went to the doctor on Tuesday and spoke to him, which the whole time I was I felt like I was shaking internally and started crying when even mentioning my mother. He gave me a questionnaire thing to fill out and bring back to him at the next appointment( yet to be set) and also put me on some medication for anxiety and depression. I took my first pill this morning and I have to admit I feel kinda funny. I've been nauseous all day and even found myself kind of clenching my jaw which is weird. I also feel somewhat...blank? I don't know what to make of it because the pharmacist said I wouldn't feel side effects for a week and the benefits would be about 4-6 weeks.

He said once I come back, he will discuss making a mental health care plan and suggested some names I might want to check out for my care plan.

Between the stress that my work is giving me and stuff at home that needs to get done and planned I just need this to go smoothly otherwise I'm buying an island and living off the grid 😂

Hi @Ash6 , that's great you were able to tell the GP how you were feeling. And good also that you've started some medication to support you at this time.

Good luck with getting the rest of the professional support in place, with the mental health care plan and a Pdoc. 🙂