How to survive when walking on egg shells

@Kate12 My heart goes out to you - well done for reaching out and sharing

you have amazing insight into your situation and seems to me you are at a cross roads

30 years is almost half a lifetime you have given to caring for your mother and it wasn't your choice to have a mother who had mental health challenges - yet you chose to care for her

To continue staying with your husband is a choice - and I really think you are to be commended for carefully thinking through this choice and how it will impact you and your ability to live a fulfilling life and stay healthy yourself - physically , mentally , emotionally ... it will be you who lives and cares for him daily (not your children) - so this must be made with your wellbeing in mind

you owe it to yourself to speak to a professional and satisfy yourself you are truly making a decision you can live with

i encourage you to reach out to the Sane Helpline during their opening hours and have a chat - they are great to talk to as they are fully informed re challenges of mental health in relationships both in the carer and those with the conditions ...

in the meantime feel free to post on the forums with @ then the member who you want to get a reply from then we know you have posted ... eg put @Sophie1 and then I will get a notification and can reply to you

Thank you so much Sophie for your thoughtful reply. Sometimes I think maybe I'm being dramatic and I just need to get over it and suck it up but your understanding into my situation has really helped, I really appreciate it.

@Kate12 you are most welcome - and you are absolutely not alone xx

my life partner of 20++ years has Bipolar II depression and anxiety .. it is a choice to stay and love with and live with all that entails .. however I have some non negotiable boundaries that make that workable for me ..

1. I have to love and like my partner and have joy in the relationship - want to come home to them .. feel loved and safe and valued;

2. my partner cannot physically verbally or psychologically abuse me - that is never ok and if that happens I leave ..

3.. and my partner must take full responsibility for their health and well-being and be actively pursuing to better their health mentally and physically and psychiatrically as much as they can - I told my partner the moment you actively choose to dwell in your illness and not seek any support or help or improvement I will leave.

the above is the core of my carer / partner code that works for me ...

I have found it important from a self respect and self safety and self care to have formulated these and use them to guide me ..

maybe you have different non negotiables .. maybe you haven't articulated them before .. thought I'd just mention it as it helped me

and also I have realised that our friends and parents and siblings and children all have opinions on whether we ought to stay with and care for / love / live with our mentally ill partners for lack of a better expression .. HOWEVER ultimately they actually don't care that much not as much as you think - whether we stay or go affects us and our partner 100% of the time ... for others it is only a portion of their existence and doesn't impact them nearly as much as it impacts us and our partners ... so please please make this decision for YOU and according to YOUR non negotiables ... YOU MATTER

ok serious talk done - just had to get that off my chest - it is really something I've learned the hard way

May or may not resonate for you .. but thought of put it out there anyway

hope you get some rest this weekend and take care of yourself and be gentle and kind with yourself

sending carer hugs 🤗 🤗 🤗

Thank you so much Sophie can't express how much reading your core values and boundaries has helped me. And yes you are absolutely I am realising especially as my kids are getting older that they will be gone soon living their own lives. I need to think what I can live with with and without them in my life. I will reach out to Sane counselling.
A huge thank you for sharing your heart and life with me.y heart goes out to you in your situation I understand how hard your road must be at times. But your wisdom and values inspire me.

I hope one day I can be that person on the other side cheering someone on like you have for me.

You are most welcome @Kate12 - one step at a time and be gentle and kind to yourself xx

always here for a chat or questions or just a vent 🙂

just tag me by including @Sophie1

also you can check out my thread here Sharing my life with Ms Sophie (Bipolar II)