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Feeling lost

ADP1New Contributor30 June 2020, 1:27 pm AEST

Feeling lost

Hi,

Im new to this but looking for ways to cope with my current situation. Im 32 and have been married 6 years this year, 9 years all up. I recently found a photo of my husband in my bra sharing it online with other men who have similar interests. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believe it was a one time experimental type thing. Few months pass and I've found more photos going back to his 20's, emails between him and other men and women. He tells me he loves me and he wants this marraige, he wasn't upfront due to embarrassment and fear. Im so lost, I feel like the man I knew is no longer. I dont know what to believe as its constant lies that keep being bought to the surface. Im so many emotions, I've started counselling but she is leading me to believe he is bisexual, which he denies. I cant sleep, cant eat, lockdown isnt helping either. I feel worthless as a wife, he couldn't even feel safe enough to talk and share this with me, instead he did it all behind my back. He is seeing a psychologist, im struggling to see how this will help us though, if this is what he is into its ok, just breaks my heart I got dragged along for the roller-coaster ride.

3 replies

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In response to: Feeling lost

OwlunarSenior Contributor30 June 2020, 2:12 pm AEST

Re: Feeling lost

Hi @ADP1

That must have been a shock and of course you feel horrible

But it's your husband that is posting sttange things on the internet and lying - not you - this doesn't make you less of a person

Hold onto that and yes - the coronavirus does make life trickier

Welcome to the forum

Dec

In response to: Feeling lost

PeregrinefalconSenior Contributor30 June 2020, 3:06 pm AEST

Re: Feeling lost

Hi @ADP1,

What you are going through at the moment sounds incredibly challenging and it is very brave of you to reach out here on the Forums.

I imagine you are facing a lot of emotions at the moment and I am glad you are not facing them alone. I encourage you to treat yourself kindly while you come to terms with this recent experience and take extra good care of yourself.

Kind regards,

Peregrinefalcon

In response to: Feeling lost

OzGraceCasual Contributor02 July 2020, 11:06 pm AEST

Re: Feeling lost

Hello. That is certainly VERY challenging. You definitely need an outlet, to be able to talk about all of the many things you are feeling. I also get the impression from you, that this is just the beginning, of a very long journey... something that might be challenging to hear, in itself. There is not likely to be any quick fix to your dilemma, so you need to take the very best care of yourself that you can, to support your body, while your mind is being so challenged. Make yourself eat well (even if only a little). I hope you can find the right people to talk to, to help you patiently process everything that is coming up. You must feel very conflicted, that your best mate is possibly going through hell, also? - So: at the same time that you care for and are concerned for HIM, his dilemma is also the source of YOUR pain.... no-one would find this easy to cope with (& THAT'S an understatement!). There was a very poignant episode of Australian Story about a high-up Aust Army man who took the decision to transition to becoming a woman. I know your husband's situation is different - but the program looked at a lot of the issues that were raised for the people AROUND him/her - including his wife. I think that you might gain a lot by looking at that episode... I'm sorry that right now, I can't think of the person's name - but i will, and when I do, I'll come back in here and let you know... meanwhile, try to be patient with yourself, and with him, as you both wander confusedly through mountains of emotions....

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