I look at the past and am concerned about the future!

I'm not sure I am even on the correct forum! I have been on before for issues relating to my children and gained help and support. Many things are better than they were thank goodness, although some things won't change that much - but maybe I have come more to an acceptance of that and have learned to cope with what I can and just accept the rest, some of it which cannot be changed.

Recently though I find I am becoming ???? not worried, not frightened, not scared but possibly more aware that I am in the 4th quarter of my life. I don't think I noticed this before until Covid-19 came along, then we hear that people over 70 are more at risk and shouldn't move around too much - even articles concerned with having to not treat over 70's as preference should be given to younger people.

I'm fit, healthy and happy most of the time. My life experiences have been hard - right from when I was a young child but I think I have coped with all the things that have been thrown at me quite well. Right now though I sometimes think that my life has been spent caring for others - many siblings, family issues, then parents, then in law issues, as well as issues with my children. It's not that any of this was bad compared to what a lot of other people have to go through - the more recent issues with one of my children has been the hardest thing thrown at me.

I have helped nursed two loved sisters through terminal illness and then helped my beloved parents through their end days. I look back and have joy at a lot of what I have been through and my life, but sometimes I wonder - what about me? I feel I became lost in everything and I often think that God got it wrong when he only gave us one life - he should have given us two so that we could learn from the first - although having said that I have no doubt I would have done the same things all over again. I might also add that I am religious and have faith.

I have 3 grandchildren I love so dearly and recently I have found myself thinking I might not get to see them go to University, I will probably not see them get married or have children - and suddenly I realise my years are limited!

When you're younger the years ahead stretch out in front and you think they will never end but then ......

I begrudge the fact that up until I was unable to travel to see my children and grandchildren and heard that I was 'elderly' or just downright 'old' I didn't think of my age - now its been thrown in my face and I can't go back.