Dealing with elderly relative

I see how this must be difficult for you and I certainly understand how alone you must feel in this situation. My elderly Mum has started seeing and hearing people who are persecutory, she is distressed and I am distressed. For me the best thing is to speak with people who have similar experiences whether that be family, friends or medical practioners. I have been frustrated with what I feel is a lack of information in general but I have realised I am so beside myself with emotion that nothing is clear at the moment. There are some great videos on YouTube from medical professionals which I have found informative. Hope you get the support you need

Hi,

I live with an 87 year old elderly and though she falls 4-5 times in 6 months, she was ok.

She lives independently in her residence and is looked after by Baptcare who looks after her various needs from medical, doctor appointment, housekeeping, personal grooming, groceries, etc. Whatever she needs, they will meet her demand. She wears an alarm necklace at all time to alert them in the event of an emergency. All expenses covered by the government.

I would suggest something similar for your aunt if nursing home is not a good option.

helllo @Lilaca , @Jaala , @DBTB

yes my mum is nearly 89 and is very independent and lives at her place , she wears an alarm necklace at all time

and she has "Meals on Wheels " delivered everyday

I clean her house once a week and I do her washing , gardening , and everything else

so if you can get some help like @Lilaca said will help a lot , my mum took a while to accept any help

@Former-Member, @outlander , @Smc

Hi @Jaala.

My parents are now in an aged care home, but my sister and I went through years of trying to persuade Mum to get help in. (Dad had memory problems so couldn't make any arrangements himself.) Despite feeling like she couldn't cope with everything she needed to do, she flatly refused to get help, and we lived too far away to do anything.

Legally, if you arranged any sort of care for your Aunt, she could refuse their services. And yeah, the long wait time is an issue too. If you're not medically fit to do heavy work, maybe you need to explain to her that "doctors orders" means you can't do everything she needs you to at the moment, and thus, like it or not, it's necessary to pay for some help to come in? Her age group is often more willing to listen if a doctor "says so". Not always, I realise, but..?? Between your recovery needs and your Aunt's age + injury, you may be able to get some form of home help. Hope you can get some results.

Longer term, it might be worth trying to talk her around to the fact that appropriate ongoing assistance now may keep her healthy enough to stay out of aged care for longer. My parents' health would have been much better if they'd had help, and their eventual admission happened because things got so bad that Mum ended up in hospital then rehab, and Dad had to go into a home for respite because he couldn't care for himself. Mum in particular lost a fair bit of her mobility for good due to long neglected health issues. Basically, neither of them got to go home again after Mum's hospital/rehab stay... neither of them got to go through and pack the things they wanted with them in the aged care home. Not the way anyone wants it to happen. (The home they're in is a very good and caring one.... and my sister and I did our best to find things that we believed they would want, or which they asked for.)

Thank you for your responses, I could have had tempory care but as I live 1 hour away it was impractical as they would only come a couple days a week and to shower and bath was extra cost. Money always been an issue and she trys to cry poor, which worked on my mum but not on me. Its just the demanding attitude and the way she asks for things that gets on my nerves. My mum always said she could never live with her and now I know why. She been on her own mostly for 31 years with only handful of friends. She never went to clubs, never did restaurants, only likes classical music and watches re runs of murder mysteries or NCIS doesn't like sport, and not interested in joining any local groups. So you see its a difficult situation all round when they don't want to entertain meeting new people or learning something new. The arms almost healed I hope and she starting to dress herself so only a couple more weeks I hope then she can go back to her home.

Hi, it is frustrating looking for information thanks for the tip on you tube I give it ago. I feel your frustration as well.

@Jaala

Hope your aunt gets better soon!

Not sure where you live, but I am sure there's always an aged care service that suits your aunt.

Baptcare offers 365 days service regardless of public holidays. They never fail to turn up every single day. Usually morning starts with a registered nurse, afternoon a shower or massage or grocery shopping or podiatrist or doctor appointment, etc. and late afternoon will have another dropping in for a chat or housekeeping or visiting the local community group.

And not a single cent out of pocket due to governement funding. She has been on this for several years now.