Dear @MotherBPD ,
I can hear you are in a difficult place. A mother always wants the best for her child. As a survivour of BPD, looking after yourself first is a MUST.
As for your daughter taking drugs, can it be seen as a coping mechanism to suppress the pain that comes with BPD? I am not condoning her drug-taking, but as you said, "she is very unwell". I've been in a similar situation...self-harming through substance abuse, but it was to numb the pain. I would not do it for any other reason. Your daughter's abusive behaviour could be a clear result of her drug use.
Speaking from a borderline's perspective, please don't leave her calls unanswered - this may only justify her actions in abusing you. However, when she is able to take in what you are saying, set some ground rules. For example, 'I am more than happy to take your calls and listen to you providing that the conversation is respectful. I will let you know and have to hang up otherwise.' Paraphrase as you like, but do you get my point? Borderlines need to know you are there for them, but this does not mean it is okay to abuse you.
Please set boundaries and stick to them. Speaking from personal experience, boundaries are the one thing that has kept me. Boundaries gave and continue to give me security. But for this to work, you need to be consistent with the rules you have established.
I can go on forever about this as it has been my life for over a decade. However, I don't want to give you more than you an chew.
Please don't give up on your daughter.
BPDSurvivor
