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laceyCasual Contributor
In response to: alone
laceyCasual Contributor
In response to: Re: alone
AppleblossomSenior Contributor
Yes @laceyI felt very much like that about my exhusband ... and then go dammit .. after about 7 years apart i asked him if there was a chance it would work ... he said no ... I was such a wuss to even think that ... but I dont have enough pride ... my mother on the other han d too much pride.
Didnt see your post ... am used to waiting ...
In response to: alone
laceyCasual Contributor
In response to: alone
pipSenior Contributor
In response to: alone
Fancy_PantsSenior Contributor
Hi @lacey,
I dont think that it sounds ridiculous either, I hear you saying that through his abuse he made himself your sole provider of connection and companionship, likely cutting you off from friends and/or family? and lowering your self esteem? which makes it harder to get out there and meet and make new friendships (also harder as we grow older). So you miss having that need met, but maybe not him as a person?
So very glad to hear you say that you are smarter than that and dont want him back! You must be very strong to survive and leave
People often have a bigger impression on us than their physical presence indicates and it often lasts a lot longer than they do. An abusers biggest tool is often related to isolation so the fact that you have reached out to make new connections here is already starting to break away from the isolation and his influence. i hope that through this forum you can find others that you connect with and it can help further your hopes for the future.
Speaking of which, do you have ideas about what you want to do now? what you want your life to look like?
In response to: alone
Unknown userMember
Hi @lacey. Sorry to hear you're feeling alone, but good on you for being smart enough for not taking your ex back.
It's awful feeling alone. Do you feel up to joining a group? What are your interests? There are lots of groups/classes to join. Art classes, if you like art. Local libraries often have affordable classes, or perhaps google and see what's available in your area.
There are even friendship groups.
I hope it helps you to chat on here. It helps me. I only joined in on here this week, as I was feeling very isolated.
Years ago I was in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I broke off with him many times and went back to him, because I felt so alone.
After 4 traumatic years I finally became strong enough to stay away from him.
It can take a long time for the wounds to heal inside, but they do heal. I actually enjoy time alone now.
Nice to meet you on here. 😊❤
In response to: alone
PinkeyeSenior Contributor
Hi lacey
I am here to tell you that being ON YOUR OWN is wonderful, and you are now free to get to know yourself. You can do anything now.. without punishment or a controller. Hard to come to terms with, but once you do, you will realise how much you can choose to do with your life. I think you are a young person... you have the luxury of time.. Yes? So use that to feel that you own your own skin, and are comfortable. It might take time. Be strong, understanding that it is OK to seek help.
I have just registered and this is my first post. You're not being ridiculous, not at all. You now need to realise you are your own person, and you don't have to have another person to tell you what to do.
Ha except I guess that is what I am doing.:) Sorry about that.. it is hard to express ... I have lived alone for 20 yrs. I was married for 17 yrs, before that., NO children thank goodness.
Since my husband left and divorced me I have had to face some truly extraordinary difficulties. NOT because I was alone, but because \i was vulnerable as newly single, and was taken by a major predator, who then tried to take over my life. Having experienced the dominance and expectations of my former husband, I soon realised I had ended up in an even worse situation.
NOT by choice, but by deception and lies. I took another 4 yrs to eject that man from my life. As a result I am PTSD and chronically depressed, but I managed to keep my home.:)
It has now been another 20 yrs..... I have never been happier.
It takes time, and the will to be yourself, but you can do it. I did. It is not easy, but you can do it. It is all about respecting yourself, and expecting respect. You are not a loser or a weak person. Believe in yourself and your ability to overcome.
This is something current for you obviously, and I remember how it felt to be alone, in my home. That was a long time ago, and now I feel proud of my abilities, and my battles, and I stand on my own.
Most of my family are dead, and I get nothing from the remaining . No calls, oh, except for my nephew, who is an artist, a real artist, who spends all his money on art .He is schizophrenic, but he is the only one who still talks to me. Sadly he lives on the other side of the country in WA, and it has been many yrs since we met in person.
PLEASE, don't look for another male to support you... learn to love yourself.. When you feel you are able to live on your own, then you may feel the pull for companionship, and you may act on that. Make it a mutual respect, if you so choose.
Personally?? I cannot now concieve of living in a relationship. I don't think a man could accept my real self.
He'd have to be exceptional to meet my standards.:) 🙂
In response to: alone
IngaSenior Contributor
@Alone
Hello......
it is totally normal to feel as you do.... After being 'trained', you/me are like 'pavlovs dog'.. when told to jump-ask 'how high'...
Yes-you will feel extremely lonely, and your mind will focus on anything that was good between you, and make you want contact to experience that feeling again...
That feeling is very short lived.. you are back on the treadmill again-torn apart and scared as hell.... DO NOT DO IT.. I crave a partner.. I have been alone so long.. I know being alone is better than battered-mentally or physically... I have learned to live alone..Not happy with it, but accepting.. Maybe , one day, I will meet some wonderful man.. I could NEVER live full time with a partner..
Love to you..
Namaste-Inga
In response to: Re: alone
DecadianSenior Contributor
Hi @lacey
You have had some good feedback here
I have been alone since 1989 - and I am glad I made the decision to stick with the house until I made my then husband leave
The first night was terrible - but we had not been living as man and wife for years before that - so I had a completely separate social life - and went on with that
Now - I am older - and I like being alone - I can please myself - and this is wonderful once you find a way to enjoy it
Decadian
In response to: alone
laceyCasual Contributor
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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