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Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

FLEACasual Contributor26 May 2020, 5:33 pm AEST

Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hi I'm new to the whole looking for support over the internet thing; totally unsure of how to use this site so please be patient whilst I learn what I'm doing.

I was diognosed with Bi-polar in 2006; before this period I was well aware that I was not right for more than 38yrs and quite frankly don't know how I managed to still be alive in 2006.

Anyway, two weeks ago I fell into a rabbit hole and ended up in ICU - I was upset when I woke and knew I wasn't successful ... I ask myself why? just why? why continue this torment. I then succeeded in signing myself out of hospital prior to any sych evaluation taking place and was followed up at home by a local mental health service. The mental health service completely changed my meds which didn't offer much needed releif from the pain going on in my head and within the week I was feeling angry, violent, agitated and unable to control myself. I then got to the point that I took myself off these terrible medications that were making me feel so agitated and now I'm back to exsisting. I'm so tired of this, I'm tired of hearing that people can live a normal life, I'm exhausted, not sleeping (can't sleep) and my brain hurts. I want to cry so I cry; I cry uncontrolably and then I feel even more exhausted. I'm wondering if this is a mixed episode, not that I know what a mixed episode feels like...I just know that my moods are overwhelmingly eratic...I'm not Manic and I'm not depressed; I feel like they are both haunting me on this one and ganging up on me. I don't know what to do, I just know that I can't do this, I don't want to live like this 😞

It's so isolating, I wont disclose to family or mental health, I don't want to be locked up and have my rights taken away from me. I have had many experiences where I have been treated in-humanly and without dignity and I feel like I have lost all trust with the mental health system.

I'm just lost ........

I will try and read as many bi-polar experiences posts through this site tonight as I can, hopefully within these posts I can find some relief from others.

9 replies

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In response to: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

KritikaContributor26 May 2020, 5:54 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hi
It felt good reading your post cause I go through the same every time like I am amazed you can write down things how you feel cause I am struggling with the same thing what you are going through its so hard for me to connect with emotion cause I really cannot figure out what I feel.
I am new to this website too I just your post first and thought of writing
Trying to share cause it's been like never I talk about what I going through.
Hopefully doesn't make me mad after completing this
I have schizophrenia or I hear voices which don't let me talk.and this is my first attempt trying to reach out online.
It's been like 8 years dealing withthe voices and I can relate how it is.

In response to: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

BlepSenior Contributor26 May 2020, 5:54 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hey @FLEA I do hope you can find some comfort from other peoples stories and maybe even connect with people that have the same diagnosis as yours.

Do try and stay safe and reach out through this forum. Everyone is very welcoming 😊

In response to: Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

FLEACasual Contributor26 May 2020, 5:59 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

@Blep Thank you

In response to: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

NatureLoverSenior Contributor26 May 2020, 6:27 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hi and welcome to the forums @FLEA . It's good you have reached out for support here as others understand what you're going through.

I'm sorry to hear you've had a horrendous time and bad experiences in the mental health system.

I was wondering whether you have a supportive GP? And whether you could ask to go back on some meds through them?

I hope you can find some good information and support here.

In response to: Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

NatureLoverSenior Contributor26 May 2020, 6:31 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Welcome to you also, @Kritika ! Well done for reaching out if you have voices that don't let you talk.

I hope you find the forums a supportive place. A handy forum tip is if you want to speak to someone, type @ and then a drop-down box will appear. If you click on a name there, that person will get a notification that you're replying to them.

I hope you enjoy exploring the forums.

In response to: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

8888Contributor26 May 2020, 7:36 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hi flea thanks for reaching out this is my first time on here I have bi pola have been reading all the posts and stories it's made me feel better I'm hoping it will for U too

In response to: Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Unknown userMember26 May 2020, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hey @8888, welcome to the SANE forums!

It's great to have you here and I'm sure the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection, as I can see you're already doing! I'm the moderator this evening. Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. You might like to check out the Guidelines as they can be a pretty useful in understanding how it all works https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines. Take care and enjoy the rest of your night 🙂

In response to: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

wawaaCasual Contributor02 June 2020, 6:26 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

Hi there,

I've rrad through your experience and thoight of asking you to consider some oral therapy and avoid medication at this stage. Oral therapy will help you to systematically digest what you've been through over the years and with yime you will start to self reflect and accept your situation.

From here you can start healing and slowly leave a Normal life. It will take a lot of will and determination from you dear.

I will keep an eye on this discussion as I'm struggling with a narcissist for over a decade in my life.

In response to: Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

JynxModerator02 June 2020, 9:44 pm AEST

Re: Not coping and so tired of trying to cope

I echo what has been said about looking into ways to find whatever treatment is best for you - especially in terms of talk-therapy. Sometimes medication works and sometimes it doesn't, but regardless, medication usually works best of all when used in combination with talk-therapy. It's sometimes a bit of trial and error on finding what works for you.

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