First post here, Worried about my Bipolar Mother.

Hi Impala,

Welcome to the forums. I think @Alessandra1992 's advice is great. Also COPMI is a great organisaiton that you could get some help/advice from.

Can you tell us which state you live in? We can then see if we can find some organisaitons in your local area that could help you.

The other thing I would like to say that by coming to these forums, you are showing some real strength, and you will find there are people on her that really care and will give you some good, proctical support.

Welcome once again,

Hobbit.

Hi Impala,

Thought I'd write a quick note and see how you are doing.

Hobbit.

Hi, thanks everyone who has replied...sorry it's taken me so long to write back I haven't been feeling very well.

Since I first posted my mum has been wavering between happy and slightly depressed from what I can gather when I have seen her or talked to her on the phone. I don't think she is manic...I really HOPE I am right.

To answer you both...

Alessandra1992/Hobbit

I don't know if I qualify as main her main carer, but she has no partner or friends and the rest of the family don't really have anything to do with her anymore. It's all put on top of myself and my sister.

As for supports you mean doctors? She won't see ANYONE at all. She has a gp. But he has only been her doctor for a year or two and she has barley seen him. She HATES doctors. Doesn't trust them, doesn't believe what they say etc. So there's no one to talk to and she wouldn't want me to anyway.

She has no wellness plan or emergency plan. I can't talk to her about her illness. She just gets angry/upset and mean. She won't even learn about bipolar at all. I am so stressed ALL the time because no matter what state she is in she will not even try to control her illness or talk about a plan or anything. I am getting very frustrated because her illness has completely derailed MY whole life and she won't take any responsibility for herself. She knows she has psychotic episodes and doesn't care about the stress she is putting on me and my sister.

She hasn't joined anything or she would have told me. thanks for the links 🙂

Also I live in NSW. Local organisations would be great thanks. Thank you for your kind words 🙂

Today I feel sad and frustrated. As I said above my mum is wavering between sad and happy. Today she seems sad...which makes me sad. I feel frustrated because she likes to make me feel guilty for enjoying anything in my own life. I hate it. I do my best for her I do, but I need to look after me now. More then ever...my own mental and physical heath is deteriorating pretty bad because of the stress of her illness. It's hard to explain without making this post really long with all the back story. But I'm not doing well. I don't know how much longer I can keep going with all this.

This is going to sound but I'm really struggling having her in my life at all. It's horrible I know; but I just don't think I can ever get better with all the stress and negativity she brings to my life.

If she won't get help for her illness...won't even try what am I meant to do???

It's not as though she is a risk to herself or anyone else the majority of the time it's only when she goes psychotic that she can be.

So I can't force her to have medication and see her doctor.

The second last time she was psychotic (last year) my sister, myself and my sisters boyfriend managed to get her to the hospital (it was very hard and very horrible) and the doctor said she was in hypomania (which she wasn't!) and gave her antipsychotics and sent her home. She took one dose there and one the next day and stopped. It was enough to get her out of the worst part of being psychotic but she still wasn't great.

I feel annoyed that after the struggle to get her to the hospital we didn't even get much help. I feel like this very difficult task has been dumped onto me and my sisters shoulders whether we wanted it or not and there's not really anyone to help and my mum won't accept what help there is.

I feel like I am expected to take control of this and between my social anxiety (I can't stand up to her, I can't talk to doctors for her, I can barley talk on the phone) my gad (constantly anxious about everything) and my depression (have trouble even doing basic things some days) I can barely function anymore.

Sorry this is long and rambling and went off track as why I wrote this post...

I just want to know. Am I horrible for feeling this way?

I know she has an illness but if she won't take responsibility for it (at all, ever!).

Is it my responsibility?

Hi @Impala

"You can only control, what you can control."

I use to find this saying to be really annoying. It makes something so complex seem so simple - it's like it's underminding the seriousness of the issue.

However, I now like the simplicity of that saying. I look at situations and pick out what I can control and let go of what I can't control. Knowing you can't make something happen or make someone do something is oddly liberating. I'm only responsible for what I can control. It helps me let go.

You & your sister have done so much for your mother. You both deserve your own happiness and wellbeing. I think you're very patience have shown a lot of compassion towards your mother. Being there for her all the time is understandably stressful.

It's so important to focus on yourself and get yourself to a better place.

@Hobbit isn't back online until Thursday, but he posted this information about ARAFMI NSW's new service. You may find it helpful.

In the meantime, I hope you keep dropping in, looking around and getting to know other members - it's a great community to be able to access at any time 🙂

Nik

Hi everyone, thanks for replying again. Sorry it takes me a while to answer sometimes...

My mum still seems to be going along the same way. Seems pretty happy most days but sad on others. Today she seems sad again (which makes me worry). I ring her every single day to check in and so she has someone to talk to. As I said before, she has no friends and other family (other then myself and my sister pretty much) because they just don't want to deal with it. So she gets lonely.

I feel so sad that she is alone so much. I'm not sure what to do about that. Other then what I already do; I call her everyday. I go to her house once a week. She comes to my house for lunch/dinner about once a month/every 6 weeks. I take her places occasionally (I feel like I should do this more, but with my own anxiety issues I am not social at all. I only go out to places with my partner because I can't cope with my anxiety without him and she adds to my anxiety in a social situations). She also doesn't have much money at all. She is on the pension and is still struggling with a lot of debt from past manic spending etc. So she can't really afford to do anything. Which means if we take her it either has to be free or we pay. Which we don't mind doing occasionally. But can't manage a lot (I only work one day a week due to anxiety). My sister calls her a few times a week and goes to her house once a week.

I think she is mad/jealous of my life. A lot of the time she makes me feel guilty for getting to do certain things or go places and she is just "sitting by herself alone" etc. But I think I deserve to spend time one on one with my partner and feel good about that (I always feel guilty) and do the things/go places and live our life. My partner supports and provides for me a lot.

Sorry I feel like I am rambling off the topic of my main post again. It just makes me feel better to write it down when I am worrying and have people to respond to me...

I've had people tell me before not to feel guilty for having 'good' in my life but I do. I don't know whether I actually do have something to feel guilty about. My mum has been quite nasty in the past about me 'enjoying' things (Because she's by herself, can't etc) or she get's really sad and cries. And I really don't want to upset her. I don't know whether I am doing the wrong thing. maybe I should be taking her with us everywhere. But it just makes me anxious and unhappy.

I'm also terrified if I upset her too much that she will get sick (hypomania/mania) and that is the most difficult thing to deal with ever for me. I find it so hard because she won't listen to me at all about taking an anti-psychotic (which she needs to bring her back from that). She won't see the doctors easily etc. And with my anxiety I can't stand up to her, or use the phone or talk to the doctors. I just can't. I do my best but I can't do those things like most people can. My sister is better at all that but she get's mad if she has to do "everything".

My mum and sister don't believe that I have anxiety like I do and I can't talk to them about it. I feel like I need to take a break from my family to get better. My sister handles things a lot better then me. I'm not saying she doesn't get stressed. But she doesn't suffer from anxiety or depression and she is a much stronger domineering person. But I feel like a bad sister leaving her to deal with it. Even for a little while.

I also looked at the ARAFMI website and their workshops...I'm not good at dealing with anything new. What would I expect if I went to one?

@Impala, one our our moderators @Hobbit works at ARAFMI. He'll be on tomorrow, so if you're around have chat with him then to find out more.