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Aversion to intimacy

Ztar24Contributor15 May 2020, 4:30 pm AEST

Aversion to intimacy

Hi,

I'm struggling with a severe aversion to being intimate with my partner and I'm scared it might cost me my marriage. Due to trauma, I have no desire to be intimate and am actually quite anxious about it. I love my partner deeply, but I don't like being kissed, touched etc. Due to isolation he is home much more and he wants to be intimate much more frequently than usual. I have also stopped drinking, so I'm not able to zone out like I used to.

Does anyone know of any therapy or medication that could help me? At the moment I just feel violated every time and I've tried to tell him no, but he doesn't handle that well at all. The longest that approach worked was one night, and he got very angry. He has autism and sees me saying I don't want to be intimate as a direct rejection of him as a person, which makes him angry and passive aggressive for days until I give in.

In all other accounts he is a very supportive, loving husband. I have discussed his behaviour with my therapist and he is not emotionally abusive. He just needs the world to work in a certain way to feel safe and secure.

2 replies

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In response to: Aversion to intimacy

outlanderSenior Contributor15 May 2020, 7:00 pm AEST

Re: Aversion to intimacy

hi @Ztar24 and welcome
trauma can have a huge impact on our lives. im sorry its affecting you so much.
We aren't able to recommend any medications however speaking with a sex therapist may be of help since intimacy troubles (including ones caused by trauma) are what they specialise in.

please feel free to have a look around and join in wherever you like as well. a little forum tip is to put an @ before a members name, this was they'll receive a notification that your talking to them

In response to: Aversion to intimacy

JynxModerator15 May 2020, 9:48 pm AEST

Re: Aversion to intimacy

Hey @Ztar24

I echo what @outlander said about perhaps looking into sex therapy, especially in terms of finding ways to navigate this situation with your partner.

It may not be something that resonates with you, but another avenue you could explore is looking into getting support through the asexuality community. Whilst asexuality is a sexual orientation, there are some in the community who openly acknowledge that they feel the way they do because of trauma. There is also support for those who are self-described 'sex-averse' or 'sex-repulsed' - and a lot of the support is around reassurance that there is nothing wrong with you, that you do not owe anyone your body or your intimacy, and that you aren't alone in these feelings. If this is something that you feel might be worth exploring, you can check out the Asexual Visibility and Education Network website for resources. Here's a link to their FAQ. There's also plenty of online groups where you could find some people who may have similar experiences.

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