I'm struggling and I'm scared I'm dragging my boyfriend down with me.

Hi everyone,

So, I'm pretty sure I have severe anxiety and it's to the point where I break down a lot. I overthink and excessively worry to the point where I question everything. It's starting to hurt my relationship and I keep pushing him away by being overbearing. I just ask for him to be there but I get that sometimes I can wear him out, I know I'm a lot to deal with and ultimately this is my fault. I just don't want to lose him but I'm always scared that I will. That's he's always on the edge of leaving, but I'm sure if you ask him, while he'd say he's struggling he'd never want to leave me. It gets to the point where I feel like I can't talk to him about my emotions because it'll bring my relationship down, but he's the only trusted person I talk to about my trauma and about my mental health. I don't have any friends really. They've all f**ked me over. I just feel so stupid and inundated by all of these thoughts and I'm scared that he's gonna one day give up on me. I calm myself down a lot but then it's only a matter of time before it all starts again. I feel as if I'm just suffocated and trapped by my own head and it hurts me to the point where I'm damaging him and myself. I just want to be happy and healthy but I get in my own way. I wish I could do more but I have no idea where to start. I'm just so overwhelmed all the time and it sometimes gets to the point where I tell myself that I'll be better off dead, it'll be easier, even though I know I won't do it, and that I promised him I wouldn't after my first suicide attempt. I just feel so hopeless and every day is a struggle and an effort that wasn't there before. I just want my relationship back to normal and my head balanced and independent, my co-dependency and constant need for validation is killing me.

Thanks guys.