Relationship transition

Wow @Mikey02 it sounds like your daughter and all of you have been through a lot! That is really fantastic they are engaging with support and treatment, but I can hear some of those behaviours, and particularly the response to feedback and boundaries are extremely challenging. This is a pretty common challenge for carers of people with BPD... But healthy boundaries are so important for you and for her. Here are a few threads you might be interested in:

Understanding BPD started by @Beekind and BPD daughter 18yrs started by @FindingStrength

Also feel free to introduce yourself here with three random facts, welcome to the forums! It is a pretty supportive place

Thank you tortoiseshell for your reply.

I did have a read through the chats and found understanding BPD very helpful and what a nice guy. Not many would hang around and take the time to learn about what she is going through.

For others after some information or a place to turn I have been advised that the family connections program is worth your time. Has any one else been through this course. I’ve also been advised to look into grief counselling to help deal with the loss of what was. Has anyone taken this path before

Hi @Mikey02 & @Former-Member

I am only just getting to check many emails & catch up on things - lots of intensity in my world for a while... Most recently (Friday last) a 3 day hospital visit for my girl, involuntary. So, heres some reflections from the world according to me (weak attempt to be funny)...

I'm currently doing the Family Connections course & am finding it very helpful, even though we've had to do it almost entirely on Zoom. So, yes I'd recommend that to anyone. Out of this a few of us are developing a bit of a casual support group, so that is nice...

For me, learning as much as I can about BPD/Emotional Disregulation Disorder and also in my daughters case PTSD has helped. (Trauma is a big element of BPD). I've just been told of a book called "Loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning. I started reading Stop walking on Eggshells, but it just didn't feel quite right for me, so will see how this one goes.

The medical team in the MH Unit suggested Occupational Therapy and Peer to Peer support for my daughter, so while she is in agreement (which may change) I'm going to follow up on that. They also suggested extra assistance for me, as I'm Mum & carer (however they didn't say where & I missed that one in the mix of it all). Grief counselling sounds like a good idea, as I know I have certainly grieved. Its like any illness, it affects the whole family & comes with its stressors, so I reckon that the bigger the support network to draw upon the more support you have. Self care. There is a thread on Looking-after-ourselves called 8 dimensions of wellness - I don't know if anyone has mentioned this, but it was a really useful discussion.

Boundaries & Limits are current for me, as we have been discussing this at the Family Connections course & my daughter trashed pretty much all of them last week. I think everyone I've talked with has challenges in this area & also it has become extremely clear to me how important they are, for everyones safety. So, I'm hoping that I'll have some more strength in this area, which ultimately should help my girl to feel safer too. I'm learning more about 'tough love' now, whilst maintaining compasisonate love & self love and all kinds of nuances of love. (It is the answer):heart:

I hope this of some use to you,

With warm regards......

Hey @FindingStrength,

I'm so sorry to hear your daughter went to hospital last week, that must have been incredibly stressful. I can hear that it is extremely challenging creating and enforcing boundaries with her, but at the same time you can see how protecting and even loving they are for everyone involved.

It sounds like you're in the thick of it so we truly appreciate your reflections and experience and hope to hear more when you're able to. We're sitting with you on this journey you're on. It's very inspiring how much you are looking to learn, support yourself, and finding different ways of being loving to her and yourself 🌻

Thanks @Former-Member

Today she just blew up on me, accusing & blaming & stormed off with a bag & her cat, stating she's never coming back & congratulating me on achieving this.

So, radically accepting this choice of hers & maybe she needs to try it her way again. I'm sticking with the boundaries in the plan as yes I do know deep down that it's the only way through for us. Just hoping & praying she can find it too....

It's not an easy time.

Thanks for being here.

Hello @Mikey02

I hope you're all doing ok & that you have found some support from the forum. I just thought to mention another book that I've started reading called "When your daughter has BPD" by Daniel S Lobel, PhD.

It has been useful information so far & I feel much relationship with the dynamics described there.

I really find it hard to communicate with my daughter without her becoming angry & this is a common thing, so hopefully the methods in the book will help.

Good luck & be kind to yourself 😊

Thanks @FindingStrength

i hope this week has been a little kinder to you and your family.

i agree with your thoughts on stop walking on eggshells. I had been listening to it while I’m out riding and found that even though it did give me some food for thought it didn’t give me the practical advice that I’ve been after.

Over the past month I’ve been doing a lot of work on me and where I fit into this. I’ve found that helping myself emotionally has given me some inner peace and the ability to accept what is now which in turn is helping our daughter.

I do intend to have a look at the other two books that you have recommended and if you come across any others I’d love you to share them also.

Cheers to another week of surprises growth and love