Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Flowerpower1New Contributor28 Apr 2020, 11:05 pm AEST

Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Hi there, I am 36 year old mum to 2 girls- 11 & 7. I feel absolutely lost! I feel like just a mum and wife. My days roll into each other- same stuff every day. Wake up, kids to school, housework, cook tea, homework, showers, bedtime and then sleep whenever I go!!
I do not have any hobbies, my husband is bored with me. And doesn't spend time with me. I'm at the point that I prefer to be alone anyways. How do I get my mojo back? How do I find me again?

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

BunniekinsSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 12:39 am AEST

Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

@Flowerpower1 Hi Flowerpower1 and welcome to the forums. for me it was edcation and getting a university degree. There are different ways to get into university these days eg: as a mature age student. You get tp meet different people and of course you can do some or all of your course online. Take care. greenpeax

In response to: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

chibamSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 2:20 am AEST

Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Hi @Flowerpower1,

Well the obvious answer is to look back at how your old self (i.e. when you had your 'mojo') would've done things, and follow through on that. It might help to imagine yourself having a conversation with your old self and asking her for advice.

Whenever you get hit with a moment where you feel dull, maybe you could imagine your old self sitting beside you, egging you on with advise on how to be interesting?

If you are correct, and your husband has indeed come to find you boring as you say, then it sounds like you and he share a common problem: you both miss the "mojo" you. So with that in mind, perhaps you have in him a valuable ally, partner? Perhaps he can help guide you back to the "mojo" you, or at least give you morale support as you work to get back there?

In response to: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

CheerBearSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 7:27 am AEST

Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Hi @Flowerpower1 and welcome to the forum. I can relate so much to your post. I have three kids around your daughter's ages and often feel like my life revolves around caring for my kids and managing the house. I crave alone time sometimes.

I really like @chibam 's suggestion of looking back at your old self. What kinds of things have you enjoyed in the past? Are there things you can identify that have given you meaning and satisfaction outside of your family?

I felt very lost not too long ago, and still sometimes struggle with finding myself in it all. It's been really helpful for me to do some volunteer work. I also enjoy craft and find it gives me a little "me time".

I am sorry to hear your husband is bored with you. Is he aware of how you have been feeling?

I hope you find it helpful to be here. I have found the forum helpful in giving me some space to vent and share, and it helps me connect with the world beyond the sometimes very consuming walls of our house. One tip I was given when I joined was to use the @ symbol to tag members. It helps us see posts and replies.

Looking forward to seeing you around.

In response to: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Unknown userMember29 Apr 2020, 2:16 pm AEST

Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Hello @Flowerpower1,
Maybe forget fam and hubby for a minute or several lones and think of you. 😉 What connects you back to yourself? Everyone has different needs and I’m sure you have a tonne. As mothers and partners so much is naturally expected of us and we give out a lot. It’s so easy to forget who you are and become lost in the myriad! Maybe look into something that sparked your interest a while back? I tend to become sidetracked (not always favourably so) in things and loose track of time. You don’t have to be there for them all 24/7 with your time. Let them know you matter too. We love our families. But we need to remember us too! ☺️

In response to: Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

BlepSenior Contributor29 Apr 2020, 7:11 pm AEST

Re: Who am I??? How to do I find myself??

Hey @Flowerpower1! I can totally relate to your questions for I'm a first time mum to a 4mth old and have totally lost my identity.

I've gone through self searching many times but with what I am going through now, this is very different. What I use to do is look back at what I use to find interesting and extend from there. Don't think of becoming that person you use to be again but a newer version, like a 2.0. 😊 You can never be the person you use to be because you have grown as a person and would feel and think differently than before.

In regards to your relationship does your husband know you are going through this atm? If so or even if not have you thought of couples therapy? They could maybe give you the right tools to get through this together.

I'm actually very interested to see peoples responses and your progression. X

1 - 5 of 5