Hi 👋 thanks for having me 🌷

Hi @Lost264 and welcome to the forum. It's so good to see you reaching out, particularly if you're feeling as low as you are. Is there anything contributing to this low point you're at that you'd like to or feel comfortable sharing?

Sounds like you're an animal lover 🙂 You're definitely not alone with that here. How awesome to have wild birds feeding from your hand! Making candles sounds like heaps of fun too. We have a craft thread here and lots of crafty people on the forum if you feel like joining in and sharing.

Hope you find it helpful to be here @Lost264. One tip I was given when I joined was to use the @ symbol to tag people.

Looking forward to seeing you around 🙂

Thank you Cheer Bear x

it's a long story spanning over 40 years but in short... there had been a divorce due to ex husbands constant infidelity, mental abuse, losing 8 babies in a row including my twins, my mum passing in my 20s, then have also had another 11 family members pass, and one of my best girlfriends and work colleagues has terminal cancer.....and now alcohol is becoming a HUGE problem. I've gained 15kg and feel useless, ugly, unattractive and down right miserable. My new hubby of 5 years is talking about separating and my 16 year old daughter is always crying in fear something will happen to me. I attempted suicide recently and got taken to hospital and sectioned under the mental health act but I was treated terribly in hospital - I was put in a room with 2 young guys who had been handcuffed and arrested by police (not sure the reason they were in the hospital?) and no one checked on my for over 6 hours. Not even water offered. I had a young guy who had to watch me but wasn't attended by any healthcare staff. My husband wasn't allowed to see me either. It was so traumatic. When someone finally came in the early hours of the next morning, she ticked off a few boxes on a questionnaire and sent me home. No follow up ever received.

oh and I've just gone bankrupt.... due to all the time I had to take off work after losing the babies. No work, no money... applied for more loans... went pear shaped.

I am a cardiac nurse and just got given a team leader roll. My boss tells me I'm the "shining light" of our ward and thanked me for always keeping everyone smiling... I bake twice a week and everyone loves my cupcakes 🧁 we all need cheering up right now.... I'm also doing a Diploma of Councelling online with majors in grief and loss as well as alcohol and drug addiction. Go figure.

I have completely lost who I am anymore. I feel like I have no identity. I'm tired from hiding how I'm really feeling from everyone. The problem with this is that it builds up so much that when I finally get home, I open the wine 🍷 and my emotions start flowing. My husband and daughter both told me they are sick of it. My husband said I'm too "needy" and I'm always asking for cuddles and affection but he's just not like that and it's annoying him apparently.

I feel numb. I literally feel like I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I've failed. I try to always be the best person I can be for everyone - but I'm losing strength and don't know how much longer I can hold on for.

Its all too much.

Oh, @Lost264 , you are really going through it! I can hardly believe all you have had / still have on your plate. I really feel for you. No wonder it is so exhausting and overwhelming. I would be overwhelmed with a fraction of that.

I think it's good that you have joined these forums so you can offload some of your feelings and heaviness. There are people here for support. I hope you can find some relief here in being yourself, with no need to pretend to be strong and hold everything and everyone together.

Thanks for sharing. I am feeling the same way as you. I also tried to committ suicide not long ago and was placed into hospital. And i have anorexia so am struggling. Try to hang i there. We are here to listen to if you need to talk. Would be happy yo listen. I work in gardening so we are still allowed to work at the moment as long as we try to keep to social distancing rules. Not always easy to do. I am really lucky i have found a really great psychologist who we talk by telehealth and starting this week am going weekly to see doctor and catch up with him as well.it sounds like things are hard for you. I am sorry about that. If ever you want need to talk are here. Try to hang 8n there.

Hello @Lost264 (and hi to everyone else), welcome. I hope you feel supported and safe here and can chat to people.

Candles are great, awesome that you make them and about the birds and animals you have!