Relationship breaking

@BabyHowYaFeelin BabyHowYaFeelin welcome to the forums. My ex left me when I was very sick with schizoaffective disorder before it was diagnosed for another woman ..... I know what you are feeling just keep positive hun. Mental illness of all descriptions takes it toll on relationships .... talk with him about how you are feeling. Let him express his grief over what has happened and the rest is in the lap of the gods ..... stay strong in yourself. Look after yourself. Keep sticking on the road of recovery. Love peax

My ex-husband told me, after our marriage was challenged by my descending into

three years of agoraphobia and c-ptsd, that it would have been better for him, if I

had had cancer. His words "I could have understood that!".

There's no stigma attached to being the partner of a person with cancer, or MS, or heart disease, etc etc...the cancer-spouse is called a 'hero' and it's, quite frankly, a more socially accepted and approved medical condition. We're not there yet with any version of a wellbeing challenge that falls under the umbrella of 'mental illness' not attracting stigma.

It's like the lyrics in that Joni Mitchell song....from the movie Love Actually

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions that I recall
I really don't know love
Really don't know love at all

You and your partner could start discussing how pernicious messages of societal stigma, attitudes of family, friends, workplace colleagues and internalized stigma have accumulated over those difficult years and eroded the bond that you shared going in.

We always hear or read about couples who have gone through a rough time and invariably they say (to the camera), "it's made us stronger... our relationship is deeper...it was the making of us". So what happens when you're not that couple...but you bought into that expectation.....

@Jo-anneJoy I relate to your experience especially regarding stigma, societal attitudes and family re: dealing with MI. There's a lot of work to be done in this space! @BabyHowYaFeelin I've been there too and I did some relationship counseling which helped. I had a good experience with Relationships Australia https://www.relationships.org.au/ which I have no affiliation with apart from being a former customer .

Ditto, I can recommend Relationships Australia as a former client of their services.. The psychologist/marital counsellor who 'we' had, quickly identified a dynamic of DV that I had not been aware of because I was racked with guilt and shame over developing a mental illness (like it was my fault) and you know how goes with beating yourself up. It was really a turning point to understand that my then husband was quite happy to use my little ol' 'mental illness' as a scapegoat for what he preferred not to confront in his own personality. Used to be called "shadow work" in the 90s.