PinkdalmationNew Contributor
Finding things harder by the day
New here. I don't usually do forums or this type of thing but I am grasping at straws. I feel like my world is getting smaller and smaller and smaller and I am so tired of everything.
I have a 15 month old. I find joy in her but I do not enjoy being alive. It's terrible, isn't it? The only reason I am still here is because she needs me. I don't want to stay but I can't go, so I am trapped in this state of perpetual limbo. As long as I am busy and focus on her I keep going, everything is fine. When I stop or I am alone the world gets too noisy and the load too heavy and I just want to make it stop. And I don't even have time to do that.
Since the shutdown my behaviours are getting worse, my thoughts more frequent and after so many years of fighting I wonder if should have given up, if I am permanently broken.
idk what I'm looking for here, just needed a safe space to say it as I can't say these things out loud