Is there people out there like me?

Hi im new and im just going to dive right in with my story so far.

Late last year i tried to commit suicide not even realising that, that was the case. Its not the first time in my life infact its one of my earliest memories. Ive been diagnosed with CPTSD with conversion symptoms, i suffer from psuedo siezures and ticks and tremors.

Ive been in intense therapy from that event that includes EMDR which has been the first real therapy that has helped me to somewhat to accept what is occuring to me.

My questions are, is there anyone else out there?

Im not on medication and i refuse to use medication due to the issues that have created my diagnosis, is that ok?

I know this will take time but whilst im working on this can i still function?

I dissosiate alot before a pseudo event, i use grounding to help but sometimes i really cant stop what my body is doing, does anyone understand?

With my pseudo seizures i become unresponsive and have had people call medical services that respond but then just throw me in emergency and leave me and make me feel the extreme guilt of wasting resources since they assume im faking it, im really struggling to find faith in proffessional help and end up hiding the best i can the issues im facing at the moment.

Ive had to be independant for most of my life and i dont wont to let people around me know what im going through because its so extreme at stages the very few people i have asked for some support have left me at times when i needed them most, how can i stop needing to have someone care about me again?