Bad week

It's been a trying week. Questioning every decision I have ever made, Questioning my diagnosis of DID, not even sure it's real. have I made it up, is it all a big fucken lie. The abuse happened but what if my "alters" are a lie.

my counsellor wanted to send me to hospital yesterday towards the end of our session. Did not cope with that idea as I have triggers around hospitals. My self harm thoughts have been high all week. I have had to explain a little of my mi to my two daughters last night as my only other option was to ask my ex husband to stay the night. Well he got me through the night but that caused me more stress as it's still a fresh separation and it's confusing because he is telling me that he is hopeful that we may reconcile in the future and that he stills loved me. Wtf dude, you left! He will be staying again tonight because I haven't coped well today and am scared.