Supporting my partner

hello and welcome to the forum @Neverland

remember you are not alone my friend

how are you today xx

@Former-Member, @Bunniekins , @Faith-and-Hope , @Determined

@Shaz51 thank you. I am really struggling to be totally honest. The whole situation has me questioning at what point I either break or walk away. I feel very close to breaking point right now

Hi @Neverland

It is Whitehawk here the moderator this evening. I am sorry to learn that you are close to breaking point this evening. That sounds like a very hard place to be in. Please keep yourself safe and reach out to the support services if you need to get some extra support.

We are thinking of you,

Whitehawk

ohhh @Neverland , Like @Former-Member said we are thinking of you my friend

Is your partner back home or is she still away xxxx

Hi @Neverland

Have you considered seeking counselling for yourself as a carer / partner to someone who is emotionally or psychologically unwell ? It sounds really tough on you as much as for your partner / wife, and part of not going it alone as carers is seeking the help and support we need around the tough decisions and outcomes.

I did that in my own situation, which has deteriorated (understatement of the year) and I am glad I did, because I also know that there Is nothing I felt I could have done better. It was an awful situation, and still is ..... on the getting-worse-before-it-can-get-better trail ..... but there will be some blue sky somewhere in our future.

Keep swimming Hon, and we are here listening in support of you.

@Shaz51 @She is still away and that is a big part of it. She needs to stand on her own a bit and I'm 4000km away.

@Faith-and-Hope @Thank you. I do see a psychologist fairly regularly, and it helps significantly, but unfortunately during really tough patches it can seem like a lifetime waiting for an appointment!

I do feel that while she is making an effort I should be standing by her, but it is messy, complicated and slow. I am starting to second guess if and when enough is enough. It worries me that I have almost nobody who supports the relationship, in general friends and relatives are advising it is too much and it is damaging me.

Hearing you, loud and clear @Neverland . It can help if you create some space within your relationship that is your own, such as joining a self-development class of sone description, just for some time out, headspace, and being allowed to be your own person for a while, rather than only being identified as part of a couple. It can provide a little distance which may assist your decision-making around future choices. Carer burnout is a real thing, so it is important to take action over your own needs if they are being swamped or disrespected.

Hello Neverland,

Thankyou for sharing your story, Its beautiful to hear how Much you Care about your partner despite the distance your situation has previously caused.

My partner is currently struggling with Ptsd and I can relate to your situation as my partners friends have felt like they needed to control some of his decisions to better his recovery also.

I know I was also feeling like I needed to monitor his behaviour at crisis point because he was not able to rationalize correctly and was very confused also at one point. So I can say that friends and family that chose to interveen are coming from a good place and only want what's best for the person unwell and unable to function, however what I've learnt and what I'm trying to communicate to my partners intrusive friends that we are not trained therapist or doctors that have all the answers, essentially we are clutching at straws. I personally can say I was trying to get him to do what I would do if I was in his shoes, and once again this was coming from a loving place, i was anxious and desperate for action to a problem in front of me. It is very hard to watch someone in pain.

I can totally relate!

At the end of the day we do not have any idea what our loved ones are going through and what they have experienced, if she is seeking help and has support of the actual professionals, we have to remind ourselves and in your case her friends and family need to let her make her own choices. Its her journey to recovery and only she knows what's best for her.

I hope she continues to seek help and hopefully she can speak up about her needs as she gets stronger, whether that's being around certain people or not.

I liked this post because it's so good to hear you are seeking help also, you clearly care a lot about her and also your own wellbeing, so good on you for putting the work in.

Thankyou so much for reaching out, It has helped me to see this is something we all struggle with.

It sounds like you have got good advice from proffessionals, she has got good advice from professionals but her friends have not. The biggest help for me was going to an appointment with his personal physciristst and hearing for myself that my partner has the tools and knowlege of what to do the best support is listening and not sharing my opionions or advice. But talking to a therpist myself about my own concerns.

However if the situation becomes dangerous and I am concerned I need to intervene I am to call 000.

Sorry this is long...

I also wanted to let you know my partner is moving out because our living situation is a trigger for him. This absolutely was a hard conversation to have.. It defiantly triggered my own anxiety and abandament issues.

We have decided to see a couples councilor and this has helped a lot.

Have a look at my post and I'll talk more about it. I think space can be good and doesn't mean your connection is any less.

@SHINY @Thank you so much for your story.

It really helps to not feel so alone in the chaos, to be able to share and get impartial opinions and advice