Schizophrenia, depression, OCD #may be triggering#

Hey @Sylvia26 firstly welcome to our online community! I also wanted to say thank you for sharing your story with us, and just acknowledge for a moment how incredible it is to have such a long period of sobriety. This is truly an incredible thing, and what a wonderful mark of self awareness and commitment to your mental health Big props to you from everyone here on the forums 🙂 Something that struck a chord for me in your post - "Fighting the suicidal thoughts is harder. But after my previous attempts, which I did not feel well afterwards I dont want a repeat of that. And I think as much as I think I want to die sometimes, or just want out, theres always a little part of Me somewhere in there that wants to live and fight. Because f!@k these thoughts and these illnesses. "

I love that disempowerment of your mental health symptoms and that empowerment of yourself, this can be really integral in recovery. Definitely it's evident you are an intelligent and strong person, so I am glad you do fight those suicidal thoughts. I am sorry to hear of the attempts and that feeling of heaviness that has come up. Other people within the SANE Forums have lots of strategies they could share in regards to managing suicidal thoughts, I hope you know you're not alone and we are all here to listen. How have you felt about everything since sharing your post with us? Look forward to speaking with you again

Hi @Former-Member , thank you for your reply.

Yeah I guess I didnt realise myself that there is a bit of me separate to my illnesses that wants to fight and keep living.

I've always had difficulty separating my illnesses from myself and my personality that i forgot that I am just me with illnesses. Thanks for the reminder. 😉

I dont usually keep a journal as i find writing down my thoughts and rereading them is almost like going through them all over again. And i tend to reread my writing.

Thats why I thought giving these forums a go might be beneficial for me as I am writing to others and not to myself.

Its good to be sober, finally. It has its moments, like everything I guess, but quitting smoking is also.tough! Argh. Ive made it to three weeks now, so its meant to be easier now. 👍😁

Yes, the suicidal thoughts are bad at times, but if anyone does have any other strategies of dealing with them I'm all ears.

Today is a good day. 😊 sending out positive vibes to everyone! Hope you have a good week!

Chat soon. 👍😊

Hello @Sylvia26 and welcome to the forum my friend

letting you know you are not alone xx

my husband has been diagnosised with major depressive disorder, OCD, panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder foryears and now Inherited depression and Bipolar 11

@Bunniekins, @TAB , @utopia

@Sylvia26 Hi Sylvia26 and welcome to the forum 😄 (thank you @Shaz51 for the tag). You are definitely not alone I have schizoaffective disorder and have a son2 with autism, epilepsy, a intellectual disability and schizophrenia and a daughter with chronic depression plus a son1 who is yet to be diagnosed with depressive symptoms.

When I wasnt medicated properly I had many su thoughts what helped me was exercise and more exercise. Walking, running and swimming really helped. Now that the meds are right I no longer have these thoughts.

Looking forward to seeing you around. Love greenpeax

Hi @Sylvia26 . I think you are a very strong person. I can see the battles you have won. These are not small things you have achieved. I think that recognizing that there is you in there and your illness is a separate entity is really important. I agree that having the correct medications are paramount but also exercising helped me as well. I think that having that time to reboot and get your thoughts in order can help and somehow exercising can help with that. I wish you the best.

Hi @Shaz51

Thank you for your reply.

I can relate to.your husband as he has most of the same illnesses as I do.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Ive had difficulty in meeting people with the same illnesses as I have and so apart from the supports i get through the NDIS, and my family and friends, it gets lonely in regards to relating to someone with similar illnesses.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone!

I hope your husband is doing well.

😊

Hi @Bunniekins thanks very much for your reply.

Thanks for sharing your story with me, it makes me feel less alone. I do find I feel better when i exercise, however, due to.the major depressive disorder, finding motivation is often a problem. Plus, sometimes getting out of the house is difficult. Just going through a bit of a rough patch I suppose.

Some.days are better than others. Sometimes its a matter of pushing myself too. But people tend to trigger my paranoia, so sometimes I like to swim, but then I have to deal with the after effects of paranoia for a couple.of hours. Going for a walk is similar. I always feel.as though as I am being watched. It has always been this way. I guess it just became more difficult when my 'coping mechanisms' ie. Drinking and smoking were stopped. At the same time though, without the drinking and even without the cigarettes I feel a bit more comfortable in my own skin. It just gets harder to cope with the paranoia and day to day psychosis. Anyway, I am babbling. 😂

Thank you very much for the advice.

I hope yourself and your children are doing well. :ok_hand: ❤

Hi @Calmblueocean

Thank you very much for your kind words. ❤

I feel.strong sometimes, but also very weak and hopeless other times. But yes I do find that exercise does help, its gets a bit difficult for me to.do sometimes, lack of motivation and paranoia are my main reasons for not wanting to do.it usually.

But yes I agree for mental health, even a walk is beneficial. Its almost like a.double edged sword for me to just get myself outside as I suffer paranoia in public and intrusive psychotic thoughts. But on the other hand if I sit at home all day, I feel.worse. So its just a matter of accepting that I have these thoughts wherever I go and just getting about my day. After 10 years i still have trouble accepting my illnesses.

I'm seeing a psychotherapist today for the first time, so I hope that helps. 😊

I've seen SO many psychologists in my life its almost disheartening, but there are some not so good ones out there unfortunately. A couple have helped me over the years thats about it.

Regarding medications, I have changed my medications on various occasions. I think I have been on every antipsychotic that exists and every antidepressant. I'm also on mood stabilizers. Side effects of all these medications have caused some serious issues, sleep problems, weight gain, headaches and many more. But no matter how many times I change my meds its pretty much the same with my symptoms.

Thats why I had to.get sober and quit smoking and I keep.trying EVERYTHING I can to.help myself even though most of the time I feel like.giving up. Especially when therapy can sometimes make me feel.worse. I guess I just have to find the right therapist. And thats basically all I have left - to keep fighting. Because I dont want to.give in to these 'demons'. I can and will survive damn it. 💪 🙂

Sorry, ive gone on for a while.

Thanks again for your advice.

I hope you're having a great day! 😁

@Sylvia26 . Just wondering whether you tried other sorts of therapy besides the obvious ones. Do you like horses? You could join Riding for the Disabled. Or any sort of pet therapy. Do you like any sports or other hobbies? I know sometimes when i feel paranoid i don't feel like socializing or going out. Even simple things like drawing or colouring in is restful. Hope you feel better

Hi @Calmblueocean,

I do paint occasionally with acrylics. I'm no artist! Haha, but I can sort of express myself with abstract type art. So yes, that is very helpful when I am stuck inside all day.

Ive only ever been on a horse once, and I really dont think i did very well. 🤣 but thanks so much for the suggestions. 👍

Also, I have a cat that I have had for three years, he has recently started sleeping next to my head in the past three months, so he's been really supportive and helpful, I think he knows i need it right now. ❤

But talking about swimming this morning in the post actually motivated me to go today. So had a great swim at the pool. 👍😊

Thanks very much for your responses. 😊