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Coming to terms

SS47Contributor12 Jan 2020, 6:23 pm AEDT

Coming to terms

Hi all,

I found this forum about a week ago, and was welcomed by some very nice people

I've taken some time just to read through other peoples stories and experiences before writing this, hoping it'd help when I eventually went to post something.

In early 2019 I was diagnosed with depression & anxiety. Visits with my psychologist & medication have helped somewhat, but I have felt the effectiveness of both decline over the recent weeks.

During sessions with my psychologist, I've realised that I've probably been dealing with these issues untreated for the last 15 years, since my early teenage years. The tactics I've used myself are all things my psych has recommended I do to distract myself from my negative thoughts/poor mood. I've been running/gym, playing footy, listening to podcasts/music, reading etc. I often feel guilty 'distracting' myself from my negative thoughts/mood - I feel I should be working on fixing them. That I guess is my biggest issue right now, coming to terms with the idea that my MH is an issue I'll likely have to deal with for the rest of my life. This idea is something that brings me back down if I'm feeling positive, or can send me into even worse spot if I'm feeling negative.

I think of death quite a lot, but I have never really considered harming myself. In saying that, my thoughts contemplating death cross my mind multiple times a day and scare me quite a lot. I don't know how to deal with them.

I don't really have anyone to speak to about these issues. My partner is the most supportive person in the world, but understandably she doesn't really know how to tackle these issues. She constantly reminds me that she's there for anything I need - and that's all I could ever ask from her. I'm so glad to have her support.

Thanks for giving this a read. Please don't feel obliged to comment, I'm just glad I've gotten this out.

6 replies

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In response to: Coming to terms

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Jan 2020, 7:20 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

Sometimes we become used to the meds and their effectiveneness does decrease @SS47 I have personally had several changes and increases in dosages to counteract just what you are talking about - a slide backwards and that feeling that the darkness is again decending. You may need a review and change of med or dose. Do you see a psychatrist also for meds or is it just your GP that prescribes? I ask that becuse often our GPs only have a limited knowledge when it comes to meds but a pdoc a much greater range. My GP intially prescribed meds until I could get in to see a pdoc and that helped a lot. It did take a long time to get the right meds and dosages right though but now feel much more positive and able to function.

The same can often happen with your psych. I was doing trauma related therapy until it got too much for me. My GP (in agreeance with my pdoc) stopped it instantly after her saw her after a particularly triggering session. While sometimes it is good to work on those things that have lead to our MI - it is also sometimes good to work on strategies to deal with the here and now ...that is what I do now. It has meant a lot of retaining my brain to deal with those negative thoughts - a process still ongoing. It is not at all easy to do and quite often I need distraction also but the benefits of that retraining have been invaluable to me. Maybe you could ask your psych to help you do something similar. What I have learnt most is that the past cannot be changed (no matter how much we would like it to be) and learning to live in the present and just deal with what is immediately in front of us can actually refocus some of those negative thoughts. Sounds easy right! ...but no it is not - takes a lot of work, a lot of repetition and a lot of support - so great that you have those supports around you

In response to: Re: Coming to terms

SS47Contributor12 Jan 2020, 10:28 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

Hi @Zoe7 my meds are currently being managed by my GP. I've got an appointment this week, so hopefully he can shed some light on some more options. As you said its a balancing act and it'll take time to find what works for me.

I agree with what you're saying regarding distractions, and trying to focus on the here and now. Thats the main thing I'm working on with my psych at the moment- trying to simplify and re-focus my thoughts into smaller ideas I can deal with instead of terrifying overwhelming thoughts I can often get lost in.

In response to: Re: Coming to terms

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Jan 2020, 10:35 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

That sounds like you are on the right track @SS47 with both your GP and psych. Unfortunately these things do take time and in the interim we often cannot see any difference - but small steps still get us there so keep doing what you are doing with the supports you have and keep talking here as well if that helps you. I am more than happy to 'listen'

In response to: Re: Coming to terms

SS47Contributor12 Jan 2020, 10:41 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

Thanks @Zoe7 , will do!

In response to: Re: Coming to terms

Zoe7Senior Contributor12 Jan 2020, 10:43 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

@SS47 👍😁

In response to: Coming to terms

GwynnSenior Contributor13 Jan 2020, 4:56 pm AEDT

Re: Coming to terms

re "my MH is an issue I'll likely have to deal with for the rest of my life" - you're not alone in that. all of us here on the forums try to manage our MH, all of the MH consumers you meet try to manage their MH and so do 'normies'.

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