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Recovery from BPD

EbrooksNew Contributor09 Jan 2020, 9:23 pm AEDT

Recovery from BPD

Hi,

I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years and a bit ago. I went through MBT treatment and managed to recover. My emotions are regulated, i have the skills needed to maintain it. I am dealing with emotional situation in healthy ways that I have never handled before but I have never heard anyone talk about how hard it is to get your life back after. It feels like I have lost 2 years of my life and while I know it was to make major improvements for my mental health I feel so alone in this rebuilding phase. My family is still emotionally unstable. That unfortunately gave undiagnosed mentally illnesses. My mother textbook bpd and we are a very small family. I am the first to break the cycle of abuse in this family. I have one close friend who has her own demons who keeps herself busy with work and projects and another who is not that close. I had 2 very close friends but I ruined the friendship because of my bpd and while I'm slowly trying to heal them I am very much alone. I am trying to do everything in the right healthy way. I am working full time however the people at my job are not anyone I can see being close friends with just with little in common. I go to the gym regularly and am trying to regain my health and fitness. I have quit smoking and am eating healthy but rebuilding is so difficult and I feel like it is giving me a low key depression. I am off any meds and starting to consider going back on light anti depressants but after the horror of getting of cymbalta I am terrified. I am trying so hard but I am hoping for any stories of hope. I spent my life very isolated because of the abuse of my family. I value connection with friends deeply and without it i feel so empty. I'm looking into sports groups and activities but tbh I feel activities a sense of shame of being 25 and needing to make new friends. This illness has taken so much from me and I feel like there has been so much work for so little pay off. I gusse what I'm hoping to get from this post is some sort of relation or stories of hope. Something to hold on to. That this is just part of recovery and it does get better. Because this is a very disheartening feeling.

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In response to: Recovery from BPD

BryanaCampSenior Contributor10 Jan 2020, 7:25 am AEDT

Re: Recovery from BPD

hi @Ebrooks

If you're isolated and lonely you may need to go to a bunch of meetups. That's how I met all my friends. I steer well clear of anyone with mental illness & only befriend positive people.

I've got untreatable bpd and schizophrenia so my friendships are tumultuous & torturous but I keep at it.

My anti-psychotics don't lower my psychotic symptoms but take my anxiety down a notch from terror to high anxiety which I can work with. I'm able to work short shifts as a casual. The anti-psychotics cause heart disease, obesity and diabetes so I exercise strenuously every day as a preventative measure.

I'm in my mid 40's and my bpd symptoms have never been so bad, my psychotic symptoms have never been so bad and my physical health has never been so poor (largely due to the anti-psychotics). But I have no one but myself to rely on, my well being is my responsibility alone so I have no choice but to be a tough, fighting, independent spirit. I hope you can find your fighting spirit also.

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