Hi 👋🏻 @seagul and welcome to the forum. 😊
Ive been asking myself similar questions lately. I’ve pushed good friends away for a few years now. I’ve always had in the back of my mind that one day I’ll rekindle those friendships. I don’t know if it is possible yet but I don’t feel ready to either.
I think its a protective mechanism like you said. As for family I know there are times when they’ve been hurt by my isolating. Over time though I think my family began to understand better when I was pushing away. Over the last 6 months I have started to communicate better with them rather than just shutting them out. It’s helped as I can have the time I need to myself when things are hard and they understand better and give me the space.
I dont really know what the future holds with relationships and friendships but I’m just taking it one day at a time and know at some point I’ll try again.
Im not sure if this helps. I just wanted to say hi and that I experience something similar in regards to relationships.