Setting boundaries - consequences

hello @Bea2 to the forum and sending you lots of hugs

is it your sister you are carer to ??

remember you are not alone my friend

@Former-Member, @Determined , @Appleblossom , @Bunniekins

Yes sister. It has been said to me, if I was a brother this of course would not be expected of me.

@Bunniekins looks after her son xxx

Yes there are many many out there caring for their children or parents, regardless of gender. And I applaude them.

What has been siad to me is about the expectaction that I will & have to do it all because I am female. If I was say, a male - a bank exec or a long distance truck-driver, whatever, I would be excused. I don't even mind the assumptions in a way. But when I tried & found it did not acctually help the situation, I sought other care options instead.

I suppose I resent having this forced upon me despite saying no.

I am an only child and it is up to be to look after my elderly, frail mum who is 88

looking after my husband who has lots of diagnosis from DID and bipolar 11 and inherited depression which is passed down through the family and now to his children -- my 4 step children

there is lots of survices to help us carers only if the caree want the support

like my mum , the only support she gets is meals on wheels and I do everything else

with my husband he has cut all mental health support all together

and me i have lots of physical problems

but to keep on keeping on

has your sister have a mental health team which can help your sister and remember you as a carer need support too @Bea2

You have a LOT on. Hope you gets lots of support for YOU too - or hobbies or things you like.

No, sister seemed to lose her Case Manager years back when deposited back into the community I think. GP keeps changing. Does a have a Pschiatrist (not often) but stopped seeing the Psychologist (shame). I've often thought there needs to be be someone to oversee the lot.

Hearing you @Bea2 about extra expectations upon women in caring roles.

I have not gotten used to saying "no" or setting boundaries, but can see the value of them in certain situations.

Generally it is wise not to take on actions that they can manage themselves ... even if they get a bit in helpless mode. It is fair that she leans to accept health and support workers. How you get that to happen might take creativity. There is no right way, but I have known a few people who refuse help, so my approach was always to try and build people up, but not enable them especially in intimate type behaviours.

My sister was pro support and pdoc and my brother was anti them. Either way I was swept into their pain and vulnerability to extreme degrees. I loved them and would respond to many calls for help. (They both died, just too much early trauma which was not addessed, though I tried, I was only 18 months older, and had just as much trauma if not more as I carried their loads a lot. I think they knew I would have if I could have.) The shape of sibling relationships and responsibilities vary a lot and there are uncles and aunties ...

Appleblossom, so sorry for your loss. The cards we are delt when starting our lives are not within our control. Our choices what to do with them later depend on so many variences & vary tremendously.

I think it takes time & wisdom to distinguish helping from enabling - I am not that wise yet!

Iv lived with a friend for the past 15 years on and off. He has pushed everyone away over the years including me, but recently got back in contact after 12 months. I stupidly agreed that he could stay at my place.

I don't recognise him. He is scary. Has never let anyone properly diagnose him so has schizophrenia, bipolar & borderline personality on his file. Plus he is a heroin addict.

It's too hard for me. I can't do it any more. He refuses to get professional help & thinks seeing a drug counsellor when he feels like it is enough. There's been incidences where iv been terrified. I haven't told my friends or family is here because I know they won't be happy.

anyways I hate him being at my place but he has nowhere else to go. I can't talk to him avout it because he just hits himself on the head repeatedly when I try.

help?!

Faith,

Sound like you need professional help to put some physical boundaries around you for protecfion. You may need the CATT. Or go talk to staff at your local Police station for an escape plan before if escalutes.

You may not be able to convince your friend to seek help. Sorry about that. You can take steps for your own protection though.