How am I supposed to know

Hi @Why I hear you and yes it is hard to know if you are doing things for you or for others. Sometimes it is a little of both. The knowing comes with some self examination. Knowing what you enjoy and what drains you. Sometimes time out can help you. Often times we kinda already know which is which but it also takes strength to own it. Keep going you will work it out. Much love.

@Why I couldn’t say it better than @LadyCaroline has already done.

I’m just dropping in a welcome to the forums.

@Why welcome and thanks for sharing.

I'm sorry you're having trouble. I can definitely relate and completely agree with @LadyCaroline and @Maggie .

Have you ever tried going somewhere, but having an "escape plan"?

I've found it can help.

That way I can go to something - like a party - (whether for myself or to support someone else), but I can leave anytime if I start feeling panicky or unwell before the event is over.

I find it can take the pressure off because I can think "we'll see how it goes" rather than "this better go well because I'm (trapped) here until the end..." (which can have my anxiety in full flight before I've even got there!!).

I find having a "bail out" strategy relieves my anxiety and takes some pressure off - knowing I can leave at any time if I decide I want to. For me that might mean my wife and I taking two cars to the one event. For you it could be driving yourself, or having a trusted friend ready to get you out of there at short notice if emotions start to escalate.

I have found the option of early minutes and/or an escape strategy have helped a lot - often meaning I end up not needing them.

Just an idea for you to consider, in case it helps.

The balance you're seeking can be difficult, but can also become easier with time, experience and reflection / self awareness.

Wishing you all the best,

GTT

Hi @Why - how are you going?

Hoping you're well.

Best wishes,

GTT

hello @Why

how are you going today my friend

@Got_the_tshirt, @LadyCaroline , @Maggie

Hi everyone, thank you for replying - I did read them at the time but I was a bit ashamed I even had to ask for help so I never responded to you.

I am doing better now... turns out I was just in an extremely emotionally abusive relationship and being gaslit every other day. I am still healing from it, even though it ended over a year ago now. But that is why I never knew what *I* wanted, because she would never allow me to listen to the voice in my head telling me something was wrong. I didn't know which voice was mine when she was always telling me the opposite of what I had experienced.

I am out of it now though, and I am better off.

I have also learnt (am still learning) that it doesn't have to be black and white. Just because you decide to go to a party doesn't mean you have to stay there until it ends, leave once you've had enough! That is ok! These posts really helped me at the time.