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Never ending cycle

FragileMeContributor05 Nov 2019, 12:22 am AEDT

Never ending cycle

Hi everyone,

I've been fairly quite here snd I guess I'm still trying to find my place in life.

I've been feeling unhappy at work since change in management about 2 months ago, I'm scared of the new manager and no longer have confidence in my ability within the role. But looking for a new job feels too hard mentally right now.

I'm just in a blur. Days pass by and I feel so unaccomplished... it's like there's no meaning in anything.

I've been thinking of self harm recently. I'll be in a situation where I feel so out of control (mainly work) and my brain goes "I want to harm myself" but I can't so I try to focus on my work, which sometimes is soo hard. I know these thoughts mean that I'm not doing well 😞

I've been on a mood stabiliser for about 2 ish months nearly and the psychiatrist only wanted to give it 2 months but I feel like circumstances haven't helped anything. And being low in vitamins doesn't help and when I think about this I just feel so damn overwhelmed and I just wish life wasn't so hard or complicated.

Thanks for listening

4 replies

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In response to: Never ending cycle

Gazza75Senior Contributor05 Nov 2019, 10:27 am AEDT

Re: Never ending cycle

Hi @FragileMe ,

It's nice to hear from you again. I kind of know the feeling of being in a cycle. I think its hard when you are trying to work and manage things with our mental health. You are doing pretty good in my opinion. I struggle find focus on my work as well, my job is very repetitive although we are going through a some change at the moment as well.

Maybe you can try taking a multivitamin as that might give you a bit more energy and feel a little more balanced. I would keep talking to your psychologist as 2 months isn't all that long if you are still finding it hard to cope. Are you sleeping okay?

In response to: Never ending cycle

TeejSenior Contributor06 Nov 2019, 9:37 pm AEDT

Re: Never ending cycle

Hi and welcome @FragileMe 😊

I can relate to trying to find my place in life. I also feel the never ending cycle. It seems we overcome one stressor only to be replaced by another.

I’m sorry that you are experiencing difficult things at work, those kind of stresses usually cause my mh to deteriorate. I seem to be ok for a while and then it builds. It’s good that you are recognising the thoughts of sh are an indication of feeling low and not sh. That’s a pretty big step in my book. It’s one that is taking me a very low ng time to overcome too.

Sometimes finding that balance between medication and dealing with the situational stress is hard to know what is what. Do you find your psychiatrist helpful? I’m wondering if you see a therapist as well. I know that it can help me to have an extra sounding board but I know everyone is different.

How are are you going now?

In response to: Re: Never ending cycle

FragileMeContributor06 Nov 2019, 11:43 pm AEDT

Re: Never ending cycle

@Gazza75 managing work and mh is certainly difficult. My job has repetitive tasks, but the content of the task can vary each shift.
I have been told to take a multivitamin and vitamin D tablets but I'm so bad at actually taking them as opposed to my hm meds 🤦‍♀️
I have a script for a vitamin d injury which I'm going to spend the $50 to get for my next drs appointment as that was my GPs first solution but said if it's too expensive to take 2 vitamin d tablets daily.
I've been trying to incorporate more vitamins into my meals but I find it so difficult - I don't have an interest in food prep or cooking anymore. Once upon a time I did kind of enjoy it, but having to cook tea daily from about 13 years old made me quickly lose interest in it...
I'm sleeping okayish. I have a terrible routine and find mornings so difficult yet even when I'm up early eg before 9am I'm still wide awake at midnight. I've always been a night owl in that respect.

@Teej hello
So true, about overcoming one to be hit with another. It never ends!
I'm finding the same. Before new management I was starting to gain confidence and feeling a little bit better emotionally (as my manager was excellent at helping fill me positively and genuinely) where as now I've lost all of that confidence again and am becoming more anxious. I was feeling sick going to work today and once there I couldn't stop shaking, my leg bouncing until I had 1.5hours of my shift left when the manager left...

Sometimes I do but overall I'm not as connected to her as I am my psychologist. The psychiatrist sometimes I find goes on weird tangents and brings up unnecessary things like "what bird I relate to" and insists on me figuring it out when I say I know nothing about birds and don't have an interest in them...
It's also bard to know who to turn to if I decide to switch as the centre where I video link into assigned this psychiatrist to me based on my GPs request ongoing long term support. As she'd had enough of the orevious 2 psychiatrists just abandonning me - cancelling appointments, then refusing to book another and then leaving with no knowledge of where they went...

I think mostly I'm just numb at the moment and nothing feels okay, but theres times it all feels like my world is just crumbling to a million tiny pieces

In response to: Re: Never ending cycle

TeejSenior Contributor08 Nov 2019, 12:10 pm AEDT

Re: Never ending cycle

I’m so glad you have a good psychologist @FragileMe. it helps to have that person you can trust and have hope in. That sounds like a difficult situation with the psychiatrists. Maybe having that consistency but a few quirks is ok in the end. I have a soft spot for quirkiness but I guess it depends on the situation.

The work thing does sound very stressful. I’m not sure if it’s related but I hope the vitamin D helps. I found an iron infusion helped me rather than iron supplements. I hope you can find ways to be ok at work for now and hope that a new position might come up, or new management again.

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