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Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

Anne19New Contributor24 Oct 2019, 3:34 pm AEDT

Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

I got recommended this forum and I'm not really sure how to go about using it.

I am 19 years old and I live with my mother, father and younger brother. My mother got recently diagnosed with bipolar. Although, my nana told me she got diagnosed when I was a baby she just never admitted it to herself. Recently she is saying that she doesn't think its bipolar and has been talking to other doctors who believe it is PTSD. Which she now uses as a defence to everything, e.g., that she can't help her behaviour because she has PTSD. I have grown up my whole life believing everything is my fault, every day she is always yelling / angry about something - anything from something being put in the wrong spot to accussing everyone of not loving her. Throughout my life I have been blamed for a miscarriage my mother had, that I am the reason my parents fight and things would be better with me gone, and that I am generally just a selfish and lazy person etc. However, I feel like I am going insane because she always says this stuff doesn't happen, and that I am lying / making it up, or that she didn't mean it and I should stop bringing up the past. I've recently gone to a psychologist who believes that my mother may have borderline personality disorder based on what she has heard from me. But despite this, I have no idea what to do, she never listens to me (not even in casual conversation), and it feels as though the only time we aren't arguing is if I just don't speak and I agree with whatever she says. I want to have a relationship with my mother, but I don't believe it will ever be possible, I also want to move out and establish boundaries but I'm scared about potential financial situations that may arise. How do you get someone to get help when they believe themselves to be the victim?

3 replies

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In response to: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

Unknown userMember24 Oct 2019, 3:43 pm AEDT

Re: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

Hi @Anne19

Welcome to the SANE forums! It's great to have you here. Thanks for posting about your situation. I'm sure that the forum members will be able to offer you support, information and connection. I'm the moderator this afternoon. Feel free to ask the SANE forum team or the members if you need help with how to use the forum. The Guidelines are also a very useful doc - https://saneforums.org/t5/help/faqpage#community-guidelines

In response to: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

outlanderSenior Contributor25 Oct 2019, 9:56 am AEDT

Re: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

hi @Anne19 and welcome to you
im not to much older then you actually.

it really does sound tough and overwhelming. please know that none of this is your fault. the way your mother reacts isn't from what you've done/said.

I have both PTSD and BPD and while it is really hard to manage if she is willing to seek the help that would be helpful.
can I ask if she has any friends or family members that she does listen to? I wondered if you could have a talk to them about what is happening and see if they will encourage her to seek the help she needs?

sometimes its hard to accept help or even believe that we need help unless it comes from someone other then a health professional or someone who lives under the same roof.

You mentioned wanting to move out , there are support services to help you get started. a good place to start might be speaking with government housing. Im not sure what state your in but ill link the NSW one here that might provide the right state information for you.
There is sometimes a wait for housing but due to your circumstances you may be able to get in quicker. with these houses they go off a percentage of your income rather then the set amount like a real estate.

places like anglicare and the salvation army can help with food, bills, and sometimes furniture as well to help you get started.

If you don't have an income, centrelink can help with some payments even while looking for a job or while studying.in school (if you don't already have one)

I would also suggest that having a psychologist for yourself would be a good idea too. Carers Australia and sane also have helplines that you can talk to if you need as well.

https://www.facs.nsw.gov.au/housing
(this one is the link to housing nsw but im not sure what state your in)

https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/

hope this helps. please keep talking here and also join in wherever you feel comfortable as well

In response to: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

Unknown userMember25 Oct 2019, 7:06 pm AEDT

Re: Advice for family member with bipolar / bpd

Hello @Anne19 ,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I am sorry you have a difficult relationship with your mother. It is my understanding that a type of PTSD may result from the difficulties encountered by sufferers of Personality and mood disorders. I guess one diagnosis does not exclude the other. This is not to diminish the effect on you of your Mothers behaviour. I have been on the receiving end of the forgetfulness and it is not pleasant.

I was first out on my one at age 16 and it can be a struggle. So I would suggest that you research what your options are. It might help to have a plan even if it you don't execute it right away. I have a plan to leave a difficult relationship should the need arise and just knowing I could if I wanted to makes it easier to stay.

Cheers

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