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strangeness

katoSenior Contributor22 Sept 2014, 5:04 pm AEST

strangeness

Well I have no idea what has happened or how this came to be.

My darling wife has left me and made sure that I could not plea.

Forgiveness is all I ask

Police was all I could see

I haven't been able to speak to her

Or see that she is ok

Apparently my memory has hidden something horrible

A terrible thing I do not remember

Hatred fills me deeply for what I have been told<

Not for her or at her

But directed deep inside of me

I do not know where to turn to

As help I cannot find

I rang the crisis team

Please help was my plea

What do u need help with

Was all they would answer me

I don't know I said help from my insanity

they then informed me to speak to my gp

My parents came to help me and assist me you will see

They took my hand and led me to the doctor

And told me what I did

My wife my friend my confidant is reporting me for violence

when all I recall is sleep

How do I know what is real

When everything seems fake

my mind has slipped into the bleak

I no longer feel

I have no care for anything

except for reasons why

Why did I do such a thing that I do not recall

Why do I not remember anything

Why would she claim a falseness

Why

why

Why

It sounds like I am in trouble but I reassure you all I am fine

My dr has given me meds

And my parents will keep me safe

I promise to myself

that the pain will leave me

A new beginning is the expected outcome

But sad is all I will be

Until I can heal from losing her

My friend

I miss you so

but I know that you will be ok

I know that you are strong

I wish you all the happiness

For what your future holds

Thank you all

Please don't stress I am safe and well

9 replies

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In response to: strangeness

CrystalContributor22 Sept 2014, 5:24 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

Your words speak loadly of pain and regret. I can not provide advice as I was once on the receiving end of such behavour and this was also a painful place to be. However your words also speak of hope - hope for support, hope for help to be the person you see yourself as being, hope for the well being of others. Whereas your journey may be difficult I hope you receive the support that enables you to be the person you can be proud of, a person that does not create pain for yourself or others. I hope your hope become a reality, let your healing continue and that you continue to be safe and well as you take stronger and stronger steps towards the new begining you seek.

In response to: Re: strangeness

NikNikSenior Contributor22 Sept 2014, 5:42 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

@kato I'm so sorry to read what's happening.

It sounds like you're in a bit shock with it all.

I couldn't put it better than how @Crystal beautifully put it.

It sounds like you're linked in with some services now - would that be right?

I hope the forums continue to help you through this time.

Take care.

In response to: Re: strangeness

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor22 Sept 2014, 10:29 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

Crystal. Inspirational support, I can't say anything else other than Kato, sometimes there's something that we need to happen to get the help we need.

Take good care and go slowly, please give your wife the space she needs at this time, your previous posts have indicated she's niot the kind of person to have taken this step lightly. It will be painful, but it does get better..

Virtual hugs

Sandy

In response to: strangeness

CherryBombSenior Contributor24 Sept 2014, 8:52 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

Hi Kato,

Just checking in to see how you are?

And I also want to let you know that we are here for you.

In response to: strangeness

katoSenior Contributor26 Sept 2014, 1:12 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

Hey guys and gals,
I am ok just a little bummed out.
I got arrested last night about 5mins after taking my increased meds
Interviewed sent home and court date today

Result - some order where I cannot go near or contact. Except vie messages or with a cop

Good outcome I think
Thank you all for your nice words

My meds are wrecking havoc on me I bomb out alot so I apologize for not being on to return the support you have all graciously offered me.

I hope to stabilize and get back to being on here a little more to offer support to others.

Thank you again

In response to: strangeness

katoSenior Contributor27 Sept 2014, 3:57 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

@Crystal @ Niknik @Alessandra1992 and everyone else.

Thank you for your support I understand it is difficult to offer advice when you gave been on the other end to what I am going through.

Your words crystal meant alot to me, I really appreciate what you wrote.

Niknik again much appreciation for your kindness,
and yes hopefully getting in touch with some services.

Alessandra1992 yes it did have to take this turn for both my wife and I to get help.
You give the best virtual hugs and "virtual hugs back"

Cherrybomb this is such a fantastic and supportive forum and I will hopefully be back in flight again it will take time but I appreciate each and everyone of the members here.
I may not be able to offer advice but advice is sometimes not needed sometimes a rambled vent and just getting some understanding is all that is needed.

Thank you all again for your support
Kato

In response to: strangeness

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor27 Sept 2014, 5:59 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

Keep working on your mental health kato, life will get better just give it time and persistence.. Cooperating with help can feel really strange and scary...and sometimes it's hard to trust professionals. But keep reminding yourself that you want the best in life, love and happiness and therefore its worth investing in your mental health...take care and keep in touch..here's another virtual hug..

In response to: Re: strangeness

CrystalContributor29 Sept 2014, 10:17 am AEST

Re: strangeness

Thanks for the acknowlegement - that also means a lot to me.

I was once told that I didn't deserve a hug - this was a turning point for me - EVERYONE has a right to be hugged when requested and needed. Let me add my "virtual hug" to the others you have received - next time you are feeling "bombed out" imagine what a virtual, non judgemental, caring, playful hug might feel like. I am almost imagining one of those US football tackles where everyone piles on top of you in a heap. Know that there is enough of us to make a very large heap and the virtual weight of us all is something you may be able to feel when you are in that space.

Sounds to me like you are already "back in the fight" : your fight can offer inspiration to others who are struggling to visualise that things could be different.

take care Crystal

In response to: strangeness

katoSenior Contributor30 Sept 2014, 4:06 pm AEST

Re: strangeness

@Crystal I cannot believe someone would say such a thing.... I agree everyone deserves a hug.
"Virtual hug" to you.
I am back in the fight yes I am, I have got my mindset on mindfulness, the side effects of my meds are weakening
I am feeling great physically not so much but working on it going to start going for strolls in the evening

Mentally I have made some further queries into groups close to home so thankyou for your lovely words

Oh I too picture big tackle hugs lol dog pile I think they are sometimes called

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