VelociraptorSenior Contributor
Things are not okay.
@Teej
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Things are not okay.
33 replies
In response to: Things are not okay.
VelociraptorSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Finally told my therapist that I couldn't understand why he was nice to me all the time. I don't understand why he doesn't outright hate me.
Everyone hates me. Everything hates me. I am vile worthless scum.
He said he cares for me, but he admitted that he would understand if I didn't believe it. I feel a teeny bit better.
But, I've just been feeling so suicidal. I am worthless scum. There is not a single good, positive or whole thing about me. Just an empty worthless corpse. I want to die. I want to do it now. I won't. But I want to. The urge and the thoughts never leave the forefront of my mind. And I hope it's only a matter of time.
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
VelociraptorSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
@Faith-and-Hope
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
JupiterSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Things are sounding so tough tonight @Velociraptor . I have just sent you an email to check in.
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Hey @Velociraptor 👋🏻
how is it going? Are you studying at the moment too?
You know from someone on the outside it sounds like your psychologist might be good fit.
want to let us know what else is going on. Would love to hear what you’ve been up to.
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
PS @Velociraptor you know I will disagree with the description of yourself.
You know this bit “The urge and the thoughts never leave the forefront of my mind” It’s a hard one to let go of. I’ve come a long way but still can’t see a future where I’m in it. Those thoughts and urges still come but not as intense but maybe still as often.
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
TeejSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Hey @Velociraptor . I’ve taken sleep meds so may not be here when you respond. I hope you are ok tonight. Sending hugs 💜🤗
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Hi @Velociraptor. I was only thinking of you the other day (if you're the you I think you are). It would be so hard to feel the way you do. If it's worth anything, you're not hated here.
Hope to see you again soon.
Hope to see you again soon.
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Hi @Velociraptor 👋
Thanks for tagging me .....
I am sorry you are struggling so hard at the moment, but also super glad to see you here for the sane reason ..... you are amongst forum friends who hear and see you and can sit with you through the awful struggles.
Its a quietish day for me today after some not-quiet weeks and too-little sleep, but I am hoping to go for a long walk and see some art by someone I know across the day. Then there is more work to get on with.
i will be looking for you across the day. Please keep tagging me, cos tagged posts are what I go to first ....
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
hello @Velociraptor
we are here for you my friend
@Faith-and-Hope, @CheerBear , @Teej
In response to: Re: Things are not okay.
VelociraptorSenior Contributor
Re: Things are not okay.
Yeah, I think he is a good fit. I’ve been seeing him for 3 years now, but I think I’m finally starting to trust him a bit. It scares me it’s taken so long, but it gives me a bit of hope too.
Yep, uni is in full swing, not going too bad, really enjoying one of my subjects this semester. And I went to uni for a residential school which was a big deal for me and I didn’t find it too traumatic or panic inducing. A bit, but not a lot. Which is a bit of a big deal for me.
At the moment I’m really stressing about my psychiatrist. She wants me to do a group program and meet new people and make new friends. (I broke off from my main friendship group late last year) But I don’t think I want to do it. Hospital was horribly traumatic and I never ever want to set foot in another hospital again, and I’m not sure I am ready or want or can make friends. I’m really very happy being predominantly asocial. I’ve given up on it really. It’s not something I see as a realistic part of my life, the same with a relationship and having a family. I’ve realized it’s not a realistic possibility, so why waste my time stressing about it?
Going to study a paleontology unit next year! Can’t wait.
Yep, uni is in full swing, not going too bad, really enjoying one of my subjects this semester. And I went to uni for a residential school which was a big deal for me and I didn’t find it too traumatic or panic inducing. A bit, but not a lot. Which is a bit of a big deal for me.
At the moment I’m really stressing about my psychiatrist. She wants me to do a group program and meet new people and make new friends. (I broke off from my main friendship group late last year) But I don’t think I want to do it. Hospital was horribly traumatic and I never ever want to set foot in another hospital again, and I’m not sure I am ready or want or can make friends. I’m really very happy being predominantly asocial. I’ve given up on it really. It’s not something I see as a realistic part of my life, the same with a relationship and having a family. I’ve realized it’s not a realistic possibility, so why waste my time stressing about it?
Going to study a paleontology unit next year! Can’t wait.
