Is there a good way to approach my family member?

@Eden1919 Hi Eden1919 as you probably know I have two grown up autistic children and from the description you have given of Jane she certainly appears to be on the spectrum. However she really needs to be assessed by a psychiatrist to have a proper diagnosis. I appreciate however that she doesnt want that and that makes it extremely difficult for everyone concerned.

Centrelink wont help I presume because she hasnt got a proper diagnosis and until that happens nothing will happen for Jane or the family..... I wonder why Jane is reluctant to be assessed. Maybe if it is put to her that by being assessed she will gain for help to meet people, make friends through programs basically gain for independence. Attain help with housing etc.

In the old days people like Jane were looked after by generations of family members until they passed. It doesnt have to be that way anymore with everything that is offered by government departments. Maybe a granny flat could be put in place for Jane on your parents property so that she has independence and your parents are not looking after her 24/7 when the time comes that your grandmother cannot physically and mentally look after her any longer (which sounds like it is imminent).

I hope my little bit has helped it is a problem as I have a similar problem with son2 and daughter. Who will look after them once I and my ex have passed .....peaxx

@Bunniekins Hi yes no assessment means no help. But there is no way she would ever agree to go. She was bullied all through her schooling because she was “weird” this was in the 80’s ish so I guess times were a bit different then. But now to even hint that she is different is just a complete affront to her. It is like you become her old bullies and there is no way you can even bring it up. Plus my grandmother doesn’t like people talking about her differences even if it is to help her. I think she spent a long time trying to protect her and now it is kind of working against it all. Jane and my grandmother live far away from my family and Jane has never lived anywhere except with my grandmother and would never agree to leave to be closer to my family. So even if we had the time to help her more we couldn’t because she lives so far away plus Jane and my parent have a tense relationship and there is some resentment on my parents part because they always had to give things up so that Jane wouldn’t get upset and things would keep working. But Jane doesn’t see that so it is hard. Jane also is well she sees receiving government help as being a bludger and lazy and doesn’t want to be seen that way. Even though essentially she is just costing my grandmother money she doesn’t see that either. We all love her but she is hard to deal with and can be exhausting and with the other issues in my family we don’t have the space at the moment. Plus living that close to my parent would be not good for my parent, they do better when they have space from Jane. I want everyone to be happy/ok but I worry that it won’t be possible and the hard part is that if my grandmother can’t do something around the house it won’t get done at all so if something happened I don’t even think Jane could care for her day to day needs. But even ignore that for now. I am not sure how I can help her to have a good life she doesn’t trust anyone not even her family it is her against the horrible world as she sees it and I can understand when taking her past into account but it does makes things hard.

@Eden1919 It is a huge dilemma that your family finds themselves in. Your grandmother wont be there forever and then what happens to Jane? It is very hard. Maybe things will have to reach breaking point before it gets settled one way or another. Try not to worry you have enough on your plate with exams and assignments Love peaxx

@Bunniekins yeah I guess i will just have to let whatever happens happen.