Low self-esteem is the root of all evil

Hi @silverspoon

I struggle with being confident and very low self esteem. I’ve been told by my professional support.

I put everyone else first before me. I feel at times I’m not worthy.

I suffer from complex ptsd as well as depression anxiety and BPD.

I can’t do anything out of my comfort zone st sll. I struggle with meeting new people.

I hate myself and what I’ve become.

@BlueBay, @silverspoon , sending you lots of tender hugs my friends

you need to love yourself first , it is very hard i know

I was emotionally and mentally abused by my father when i was young until mum and i left

and was continuilly rejected by my father until he passed away 12 years ago when i was 42

Hi Blue Bay

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this post. I struggle sometimes getting around the website.

I was exactly like you. I detested myself for every possible thing. After I was diagnosed i learnt and believe that 'low self-esteem' is at the root of many problems for CPTSD sufferers. So I took to writing and then writing poems, and this helped me enormously.

I sat ever so quietly so I could hear my soul urging me to express myself. I could hear my heart telling me how I have always thought about myself. The answer was poor, very poor to say the least. But the longer I sat with it, the more I was pleasantly surprised at the words and feelings that eventually came. I determined that I have both good and bad qualities and wanted to acknowledge this in a poem.

I found that writing the following piece had a remarkable impact on my self-esteem and self-confidence.

Go ahead – stimulate your mind and let your beauty shine through.

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

It’s okay, don’t be afraid

Bring it all together

Don’t pick one piece

I want you to see it all

For the sum of me

Is worth so much more

Come forward all aspects of me

Come just as you are

No pretense shall you bring

Please also deliver the child within

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

Fears and regrets galore

Old scars and new wounds let me see you

Anger and resentment are welcome too

I need to have all of you

Happiness and blissful memories

Love and tender qualities

You need to be at the fore

So, you can dance together for forever more

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

Now all of you are here

The sum of me appears

What sheer beauty has been achieved

My mind and heart are so relieved

Take a look at me, everyone

I’m proud of it all

I may not be perfect

But now I stand tall

Come hither thine spirit

Bring forward thy soul

Let the sum of me

Live as a whole

The sum of me is wondrous

I can hardly believe it’s me

I consider myself a beauty

Whom I love with such intensity.

Kind regards

CKS

@BlueBay🙂

@silverspoon, you need to put a @ in front of the name.. when you press the @ it should come up with a list and you can pick a person. If not, it should show up when you start to type the name. Hope that helps 🙂

Hi @silverspoon

That is a beautiful poem - I am really glad you were abe to write this and then share it with us.

I agree with so much of what your write - I see myself that way - I am not sure when I had the epiphany you must have had - maybe it happened gradually - it is a brilliant, wonderful ability to be able to see ourselves as a whole that is still not perfect but is just lovable and to have self-esteem.

I don't believe that lack of self-esteem is the root of all evil - I think the root of all evil is a truly worse thing - actually something called cupidity which translate as the love of money, greed, avarice - probably more easily understood as sheer inate selfishness concentrated on aquistion for the sake of aquistion

Lack of self-esteem is a lonely trait, unwanted and causing terribly loss of self - so many people lack self-esteem - they can't see the good in themselves - or the beauty - and I am sure that people lacking self-esteem can see the good in other people -

I think it begins in childhood when we are little and helpless - when we have no choices - when other people make all the decisions and we may feel we have nothing to contribute to the people who seem to have so much power. I had small children a long time ago too and I hope they felt better about themselves than I did when I was small - but I can say one of my children made the step toward a healthy adult life and the other did not and yet they were brought up by the same two people

So whatever the answer is about self-esteem it is hard to find why some people have it and others do not - and I am trying to find out why

Thanks for all you have so far shared and welcome to the forum - you will be a valuable member

Dec

Hi BlueBay

Sorry its taken me so long to write to you.

You have been very honest. I admire you for this.

Are you seeing a psyche, counsellor or the likes? You need their support and encouragement to heal from the place/s your in. Have you tried writing about your feelings?

If you would like i can send you an example of my writings?

With love and admiration

CKS

@silverspoon

I'm wondering what comes first, low self esteem or mental illness?

I used to think I was strong and had good self esteem, but I lost it somewhere along my journey.

Hey @silverspoon

I had tears while reading your poem.

Right now I’m feeling that my self esteem has gone.

I just want to hide away.

I really struggle with compliments

i always think why are they giving compliments to me

i think I don’t deserve compliments

most of my life I’ve received criticism and negative comments from my mum

she has really brainwashed my mind to such negstuve thoughts

she raised me terribly eith her way or no way

my self esteem is zero

i think I get scared of being taken advantage of and then hurt sgsin

I don’t know who to trust

I’m hurting snd I don’t know why