Welcome to hell or so they call it - BPD, negativity and being proud.

Hi @FigBell0917 , thanks for sharing your story with us. It really resonated with Me. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother and the way your family have treated you. It's frustrating when people close to us don't understand the diffuculty of MI. You sound incredibly strong and a wonderful person who has made the most of life and you should be proud of who you are and everything you have accomplished.

I hope you have the time to look around the forums and contribute to discussions if you are comfortable doing so. You have a wonderful message and people here probably have a lot more understanding and compassion than most people in general. You can tag people by putting a @ in front of the name so they get notified of your message. Happy to tag you into some of the social threads if you like.

Look forward to seeing you around. Take care.

Gazza

Hi @Gazza75

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my thread.

I really appreciate the kind words that you have written. I am glad that my story resonated with you. I do hope that it will resonate with others too. As I wrote we should be all so proud of ourselves, from the smallest tiniest part of our day to our big accomplishments. MI is not a choice but kindness is, and when we break we also heal and what is better than saying I fell apart but I survived.

I read the threads daily, and I feel I am now at a point in my life (at 28 – it has taken me a little while to get here) where I would love to support others even if it is writing a thread or letting someone know I am thinking of them. I am very passionate about advocating for MI, and would love if you could tag me in some threads.

I look forward to reading the threads, which you tag me in. I hope that you are well and that you have a beautiful day.

@FigBell0917, it definitely resonated with me and I'm sure a lot of other people on here to. You have done a lot in 28 years thats for sure 🙂 Your definitely right about MI not being a choice.

I don't have much experience with it, i was diagnosed as bipolor 2 after a manic episode last year. I spent time in a mental care unit and have been stable since. I think I'm still healing and dealing with it. Slowly trying to come off meds as the side effects on me are terrible. I don't have much support with family and friends, but, I've found some comfort in being on the forums the last few months.

I am glad you are at a place where you can help others and also advocate. I feel at a similar point. I've talked to some of the 'leaders' where I work and have been pleasantly surprised at the support they have given Me. I work for a large corp and its been reassuring. Just remember where here to support you if you need it to 🙂

I hope you can spend some time with your grandmother by yourself if thats what you want to do. I really feel for you and the way you found out about it. I'd be pretty dam upset if people did that to Me. You definitely deserve more respect and care than that.

Thanks for your reply, have a wonderful day and take care. 🙂

Hi @FigBell0917,

So sorry to hear that happened to you; it sounds devastating on all accounts.

It is incredibly strong of you to channel the the pain you must be feeling into a way to reach out to others. I don't know what else to say, other than your words were touching and I appreciated them.

@Gazza75 – It is fabulous to read that you are stable. I hope that you found the time in the mental health unit beneficial and it is unfortunate about the medication. I hope that the weaning off the medication is not causing you any trouble and that it makes you feel better. I was fortunate to be referred to a great psychiatrist and for I have medication that works and assists me with remaining stable in conjunction with the DBT skills.

For the first time in my life when I attended the DBT program at the psychiatric hospital I felt accepted and understood. It was an amazing experience for me to meet others that also had a variety of MI and to be in an environment where we could support each other.

I am so glad to read that you have been supported working in a large cooperation. I find this reassuring, as I have commenced two weeks ago in one after leaving federal.

Thank you for your kind words re my grandmother. Words such as that mean a lot to me. I have made the decision to not go in and visit my gran at this time, as family members will be there. Family is my primary trigger and when I disassociate I can get out of control. This is not beneficial for my gran or me. Unfortunately this behaviour and the language that was used towards me are not uncommon from my family. It happened when I lost my papa (who raised me with my gran last year).

As hard as it is I had say to myself ‘love yourself kiddo’ and with that and time I learnt that I was sad and ashamed of those who feel the need to judge without knowledge and that spread hatred instead of love. I made a decision to put myself first because this is what I best for me. I would love to see my gran, but for now I will be thinking of her every minute.

I hope you had a great day and enjoyed some sunshine.

@Lise07 – Thank you for your incredibly kind words. I appreciate you reaching out to me via this thread and that you found my words touching. This means a lot to me.

Sometimes all someone needs is to read or say I know you are doing the best you can and I believe in you, that wherever they are right now that they are worthy, always. I hope that I can reach this message out to others.

I hope you have had a fabulous day, and again thank you for your kind words.

@@Jhaneylena– You are correct in writing people don’t understand what they cannot see. I agree with this whole-heartedly and it resonates with me very much. It is the primary driver behind why I want to keep advocating for MI. Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, but we cannot let those who judge those with MI and let their ignorance stop us from living the life we deserve. What is their weakness is our strength.

@FigBell0917, I found the time in the mental health unit challenging. I didn't go in voluntarily and wasn't prepared for it mentally. I didn't have any of my posessions besides the clothes I was wearing. They took my phone so I didn't even have music to begin with. The weaning off is going slowly, it hasn't helped me physically which has been challenging, but, I'm trying to be patient and to keep positive about it. I have my ups and downs.

I've had a hard time finding support since I've been out, my GP isn't very good and I've begun trying to find someone better. I have a psychologist i talk to fairly regularly through work, but, even she hasn't been as beneficial to Me as it was to begin with.

I hope the business you are in are supportive of you when you need it.

I understand why you can't visit your Gran and that must be diffucult for you. Maybe you can make her a card or send her something so she knows she is in your heart. I'm sure she knows it, but, it might give her some joy to have something to hold from you.

I have serious problems with sister in law, I aid and said some things to her I should have and I don't think she can let it go. I felt she wasn't as loving and caring as she should of been to my brother after he broke his neck and paralyzed himself. After that I couldn't sleep with worry and became manic. For the first few days he was in ICU, she brought him a radio. I couldn't believe it, he has a dam radio on his phone. No photos of his kids or family. I had little chance to organise anything before I saw him for the first time, but, even I managed to grab a few things I thought would give him strength and courage. I had no idea how bad he was when she knew exactly what he was like. She's so lucky he pulled through it as I wouldn't have held back my words if he hadn't. Between her and her dad they nearly killed him with a gastro bug and then had the hide to try and blame it on Me. ughgg 🙂

I'm glad you have put yourself first. That's something I didn't do back then, but, I'm working on it now.

I've had a good day, but, haven't got much down here at my farm 🙂 Thanks for your reply, lovely to hear from you.