Oh FFS (semi rant / story)

'Really Alice?.. Now?'

Cheshire's voice was admirably sarcastic, but that was nothing unusual.

'Piece of cake Chesh', I beamed, holding the defunct headset and giving it a shake, as though the frayed wiring might rattle this time , just for the sense of occasion.

'All I have to do is take this to pieces, strip some wires, resolder the connection, and sure as cupcakes, these headphones will be back on my head, mixing beats before it's time for tea...again.'

I paused, sucking my lip thoughtfully.

'Is it just me, or does it seem, more than less, on the larger part, that it's almost always time for tea?'

The Cheshire Cat sighed. ' Then I'm sure you're aware its already well after midnight?'

I nodded absently. 'There's no accounting for the unexpected timing of a well brewed pot of tea'.

He rolled his eyes, 'You know quite well what I mean'.

I gestured in what I imagined to be a reassuring manner.
'It's a simple procedure....in theory..'
I eyed the headset suspiciously, as if my statement might suddenly cause it to act otherwise.

He said more firmly, 'and you haven't had even the slightest amount of sleep in over two days, Alice.
Are you sure your judgement is sound?'

I put the headset back on the desk next to the wide array of mostly unnecessary tools.

'I'm engaged, as is oft' the case, in a conversation with a talking cat...
I'm not sure why you would have reason to suspect ANY of my mental acuity is even_remotely_ sound'.

I picked up a small prybar and leaned over the plastic casing.
'Just like a lobster at lunch' I said, reaching out...

'ALICE!'
Cheshire's voice was quite stern.
'You may, perhaps, recall, that it's an $100 gaming headset you're about to....pry out of it's shell?'

'Yes Chesh. I know that.'

'You may also recall, that your knowledge of electronics is entirely self discovered....
And what happened last time you...engaged...in soldering..?'
His tone was loaded with meaning.

I stared at him without expression.
'I'm not sure I see your point.'
The fire had been a complete accident.

I pushed down with the prybar.

The headset split open at the seam with a rather satisfying "Crack".

'Wow!'
I shone the light into the cavity,
'Look at all those wires...

And they're REALLY THIN!'

Cheshire groaned , sounding rather resigned.

'It's ok Chesh, I saw this once on a TV show....you always cut the blue wire.'
I paused.
'Or is it green ..?'

Cheshire coughed.
'It's a headset Alice, not a bomb'.

I reassessed the tangle of miniature coloured cables and grinned, reaching for a small screwdriver.
' Well then, there's nothing to worry about....'

.... Half an hour later I made a contented noise, and put the reassembled set down onto the desk.

Then I stared at it warily...

'Why do you suppose,' I said eventually, to the now sleeping cat, 'that there are always all these parts left over......?'

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More or less, Cheshire aside, this is a true story.
This is the type of thing I do, including time of night, and state of sleep.
Constantly.

Oh god, How do I stop?! 😞

I'm beginning to think a talking cat is the least of my rational concerns...

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