Separated

Maybe I am in the right place maybe not. My story is endless. My wife and I have just separated after 27 years. A good thing. I have been missing a left frontal lobe for 20 years after a farm accident, I have been running our farm till 3 years ago. I had a mental breakdown/burnout 3 years ago. I now have a small farm on some not so good land.

I am a very slow typist. I find finding my way round this website is like finding my way round a rabbit warren, more practice as a rabbit please. Shall I take flight.

The phsychiatrist said there is flight, fight or freeze. He was a very nice man, he was just there to run me through a test l have done about 4 times over the last 20 years. The freeze helped end the marriage. I normally have to write something out on paper a few times but I haven’t done so today.

I have a 4 day per week job. I am sitting on a hill above a town, an eagle went past beneath me.

I have just been reading an old national geographic, the number of economic etc referees coming out of Africa, Turkey, Balkan states, into Europe. I still am a farmer, a now small farmer, The world was fully stocked at, like numbers of sheep on a farm , at say 3.5 billion in about 1960, (get out google) but you get my point. Go and make friends, I say, with someone who has some land and some water and some sheep and a caravan and a part built shed with no left frontal lobe, and no wife, me. l didn’t mean come and stay with me but you get my point. When did the end start, the industrial revolution, the green revolution? Bring it on, accept climate change with open arms, running out of the less famous fossil resources (phosphate) and as Albert Einstein said “we will fight the fourth world war by throwing stones at each other” Send a birthday card to one of your grandchildren, to be opened on their 21st birthday, -Dear Henry, happy 21st birthday, Sorry, we could have stopped climate change in the year 2000 but the blind cannot see.(we still can’t see) the future is coming faster and faster, what did 10 numbers and 26 letters do. Sorry.

Read this as tacit, as the outside watching the inside, as a corkscrew slowly winding in, as someone holding my cold hand. The van morrison album that has Bright Side of The Road on it, was playing in the house as I flew into the air and came down and broke many bones, by the silos, and that big bit of black on the x-ray of my head. Bright Side of The Road will play at my funeral.

Death and destruction in all around I see, o thou who changes not abide with me

For those who read this, thank you for being part of my catharsis.

Maybe I will never find this page again in this rabbit warren?