need help...

Hi @mrm2174 Welcome to the Forums you have found a safe supportive place. Thankyou for sharing your story, you are obviously very concerned about your son and love him very much. what am I also picking up from your post Is that his recent behaviour is taking it's toll on your health as well and that is ok; we are all only human but it is important that you also maintain your own health. Do you have any close friends or family you trust to support you? What do you do to take care of yourself? You mentioned that your son is still doing all the 'normal things' and hanging out with his friends and his nana and those are all positives. Often when a person experiences depression they will withdraw from activities they enjoy and stop taking care of themselves. It is understandable that these changes in your son are very frustrating and you can feel like your treading on eggshells a lot of the time. Sometimes the best thing we can do for a loved one is just let them know that we are there, to sit with them while they are crying (as hard as it is), to sit through the silence and anger and reassure them you are there for them always. Perhaps you could ask your son what he would like to do about the situation? Or what he thinks would help him? As this opens up an opportunity for him to ask for help when he is ready. I am not a carer but I do have a lived experience of depression and anxiety and these are things that have helped me in the past. @Faith-and-Hope, @Skylark you may wish to share your experiences and help welcome @mrm2174 the forums.

Hi there - it's beautiful that you care for your son so much and also i am hearing that he senses something is not quite right. There is a website my GP referred me to called mood gym - give that a go. Also, i believe the first point of contact if you believe something to be not quite right, is your GP. They can offer some advice for you, even if you cannot get your son there, you can talk to your GP. Taking time every day for him to do something that he likes; and also getting outdoors, exercising, walking is good. it is positive that he still has insight into his feelings, present state, so don't worry, there is hope.

Hi @mrm2174

I agree with what @Mish has just written for you, I couldn't have put it better myself.

Do you have a regular family doctor ? They are the best person to talk to for a few reasons. They may be able to reassure you that perhaps your son is just finding his way as a young man of 20 years old, and they can make changes in the way they behave, or the choices they are making, that seem new and unexpected. It is also a time when their self-confidence as a young man is emerging, and they need to detach a bit from the child-parent roles they are in as they grow up.

Your doctor will know if what you tell him about your son fits with the normal patterns you might expect for his age.

The doctor can also suggest other professionals or services you can talk to for support and understanding.

You obviously care deeply about your son, and your family, which is beautiful, but you must also take care of yourself, and find time for some of your own interests. I have grown kids, and as they move into their adult lives, it is important for you to consider things you haven't been able to do while they were growing up and make room for them in your life now. Your friendships are also important. If your son does need some help finding his way, or support for issues he is struggling with, your friends can be there for you, while you are there for him.

I hope this helps. Take care.

I think that fear of madness is more common than most people think. For many it passes as adolescent angst.

I have certainly felt the way your son has, but I did not have the support of my family. What you have tried to do is show your care. Part of it is hard, letting our children grow into adults and make decisions. Reach out and talk about your fears so that you handle yourself as separate from your son. I too have a young man to care for. We are so interconnected. Try and get him to talk about his real life issues rather than worry about madness. Every child and human is unique.