Personal, not simply clinical, recovery.

The person I'm in a caring relationship to (I struggle to use the word carer...) has an anxiety condition that I don't know she'll ever quite "get over". It seems like grief, and in this I can relate having lost my dear brother many years ago (a father, an uncle and a cousin too). The grief in my experience doesn't heal, but life does 'grow back' around it.

For me, this concept is very useful in terms of thinking about my partner's situation. I can see her undertaing therapy and I can see that she lives a very active and capable life around her disorder. Sometimes she slips back, badly into an implosion. Its like every emotional foundation we have in the home on such occasions gets wrecked, stripped back to bare bones, and trust needs to be rebuilt anew because her condition at those moments tears everything down and thinks its all...terrible.

Over the years we've got better at recovering from these moments, particularly in the last while where therapy has really helped. Its given us all (including the children) a language to be able to use to identify what's going on. It still hurts, but we get over it more quickly, and get back on the horse.

So for me there are two forms of recovery there. One a sort of more immediate recovery, based on events that disrupt and wound. The other is a sort of longer term acceptance that this is the way our loved one is, she is trying her best, and we just need to keep trying too.

Recovery is such a big word. My daughter was 16 when her psychosis started and its been a rocky ride! She is 20 now and I guess we have to look at how far we have come. A lot of people would look at her and say that she isn't recovered. She still hears voices and has trouble with her memory and concentration. She isn't able to do any paid work as yet and finds study difficult with her voices.

But, looking back, she has come such a long way! She is able to do household chores, keep a budget and has recently learned to drive. She thinks of herself as recovered, and so do we. When she was really unwell we never thought we would be able to do any of those things. I guess it is easy to lose sight of the big picture.

I agree 3forme - it is a big word! And my son has changed from a high acheiving school boy to being unable to work or even have any insight into his illness, but from where he was even 18 months ago, he is certainly recovering towards a level of independence and happiness. Like so many things in life, recovery is relative.

Your story really touched me. Recovery is a VERY personal and iterative concept, and will mean different things to almost everyone with, or caring for someone with a mental health issue or illness. I am so glad for you and your daughter that she has made the progress in recovery you desrcibed.

The definition of recovery when we speak about mental illness is as you mention not ‘mainstream’.

I like to think or recovery as a beautiful vase that has been broken but is now back together as a stunning mosaic, still beautiful but just different from before.

As a carer we also need to adapt and recover from the trauma, sense of loss and grief of the experience of having a loved one affected by mental illness. We are also on a recovery journey.

Celebrate the small achievements and take baby steps.

Take care and be kind to yourself

Recovery in the personal sense is...cool. When I think about it, we can never go back to any state we've been in before, as in the dictionary definition. Everything changes us and shapes us, and mental illness is a pretty big and challenging one to come to terms with in yourself or in your family. But for me, and for the other people I know who have cared for someone or survived mental illness themselves...I think there can be a time when despite all the difficulty and heartbreak and sleeplessness and horrible days, a person and their loved ones can find meaning and strength in what they've experienced. This is my sense of what recovery means - surviving and not returning to be the same person as before, but becoming a different one, and one that you value and treasure, whose strength is inspiring. A carer I know once shared this quote with me, and I think it sums it up:

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” - Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Thanks hope, I really liked your description of the broken vase and beautiful mosaic. It made me smile!

Hi everyone,

There are some really positive and hope-filled comments in this thread. It really bought a smile to my face.

Thanks!!

im new to this and to find this definition of recovery is awesome, my beautiful daughter has been broken firstly my others then by herself then by a failing mental health system ,i have not let go of who she was but have also learned to love who she is becoming,it has taken 7 years of torment for her to evolve to who she is now, we will never fully recover but we are alive and very hopefull of positive change, we do celebrate all the babysteps

Welcome @annie1268

Sounds like you've been on quite a journey with your daughter. So happy that you are hopeful and staying postive. Celebrating the small stuff is so important! It all helps in the bigger picture.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story...

Again, welcome to the Forums.

CB