SilenusSenior Contributor
ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR
I wanted to share my personal experience with ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR, and see if others are willing to share their own experiences too... 🙂
ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR is an interesting thing. It has always fascinated me. Throughout the course of my life, I have had various compulsions come and go, and there have been others that stay with me all the time.
Rather than see my ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR as a bad thing, I see it as a very important coping mechanism within the greater mindscape of this loopy little noodle of mine. To me, ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR is mostly about establishing a sphere of control around me, so that I can feel safe. When the wild mood and energy swings of my bipolar are tearing me this way or that, I find that I can retreat to repetition and ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE behaviour and ritual, and this helps me to cope.
By this simple reordering of my thoughts about ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR, it stops being a burden or a disorder, and becomes a part of me (and often a very useful part of me at that). Now that's surely a great way to turn a frown upside down... 🙂
Here are some of my ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR behaviours and rituals and stuff...
- When I was a kid, up until maybe the age of 23 or 24, I used to avoid stepping on cracks. I would constantly be scanning the path ahead, and adjusting the length of my steps so as to avoid the cracks. Even if I was talking with others or concentrating on other things, the crack avoidance would still be firmly turned on. For some reason in my early twenties, I decided to challenge what I considered to be a "silliness", and started to deliberately step on cracks. Nothing bad happened - the world did not shake itself apart - and now I find that cracks in the path don't have to be avoided any more. This particular compulsion has faded.
- I clean a lot. I am a neat freak, though I've gotten a lot better. It's not that I am afraid of bacteria or anything like that - I in fact avoid antibacterial soaps and hand wipes because I believe they weaken our body's immune system.
- When I was a kid out playing in the yard, I would come inside and wash my hands and get the dirt out from under my fingernails every half hour or so. I had to have clean hands to be able to play in the dirt. This compulsion has eased, though I still like to have clean hands.
- I wipe my mouth compulsively when eating. Just about every mouthful of food is followed by a wipe of the mouth using a napkin.
- I count things a lot. My own heartbeat. Seconds. Dog barks. Bird calls. Train carriages. Ants...
- When I was a kid, everything in my room was precisely placed. I could tell if someone had been in my room, even down to the slight rotation of an object.
- I have a thing that I call my "clean plate policy". My parents were always big on eating everything on your plate. My ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR takes this to extremes. I regularly end up with a plate that looks totally clean. I pick up every single crumb and eat it. I overeat when I am served too much food on my plate, because of my clean plate policy.
- I resist the strong urge to straighten pictures on walls. I have a good square eye, and even if a frame is hanging a tiny angle off true, I need to go and straighten it.
- Writing can become quite obsessive for me. I go to a place within myself, and it can take a while to make my way back out to the Really Real.
So, there are a few of my little oddities. They are mostly harmless, and some of them are even quite helpful.
Are there any others out there who experience ObSeSsIvE cOmPuLsIvE dIsOrDeR?
